Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri has noticed that her heart feels very heavy, but her busy life does not even allow her private time to cry. (Or do the dishes.)

Living with Bob and "Al"

When Daughter Number 1 arrived at Sheri's parents house with Bob, Daughter Number 1 sat him down in a chair in their tiny living room. Sheri approached Bob and tried to greet him. "Al" backed his head away and by the look in his eyes Sheri could tell "Al" had no idea who Sheri was. The loneliness of this wretched disease is amplified when you can not seek comfort in the arms of your spouse.

2nd Corinthians 4:16
  Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is in that place again. The one that comes on with out warning. The one where her heart is in her throat at all times. Usually it means she needs a few hours to herself to breathe and think. She hates when she is in this place, it is suffocating. She thinks it came to the surface yesterday when her new boss asked her when she was taking her vacation. Vacation? Vacation is bonus sick time in the Alzheimer world. You never know when the bottom is going to drop out so you save every available moment of paid time off to ensure you have a job to come back to, it is the nature of the beast.
Sheri hates this disease.

Matthew 11:28

 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 

29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 

30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri was remembering a time (many years before Bob's diagnosis in 2008)  when "Al" had pockets full of note cards with bits of information on them. Bob would spread them out on the bed and shuffle and re shuffle them many times during the day. Sheri often wonder what he was doing. Bob was apparently trying to organize and re-organize "Al's" day. Sheri had no idea Bob's brain was so crowded. :(

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri's heart needs some attention.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri needs a hug today, she approaches Bob, but "Al" turns away.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri feels it setting in again. The crisp fall air that she loves. and shorter days, also reminds her that she will soon be in the "frozen tundra" again. This winter she is going to use the light she has for light therapy starting like ... now. She is also going to try to focus on indoor photography in the evenings, as long as Bob and "Al" continue to go to bed so early. (Of course she should focus on house cleaning, but that is no fun now is it?)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri watches different documentary's about other loved ones with Alzheimer's. Some of them are able express emotion, they know they are ill, or they are able to express what they are thinking. Sheri can't believe that she actually gets jealous when she see this. It is ridiculous to be  jealous of anyone with this disease. It is just so hard to see how differently it affects each person. Sheri does have to remember that Bob has Frontal Lobe Dementia as well as Alzheimer's and of course she knows none of this is his fault, but what she wouldn't give for a true hug, or to be able to snuggle on the couch on a crisp fall night.
Sheri hates this disease.

Psalms 30:5 …Weeping may tarry for the night,Read m but joy comes with the morning.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri keeps hearing about the dramatic increase expected in Alzheimer's and other Dementia in the very near future. She looks around at all health related info and becomes overwhelmed at the thought of the projected numbers of Bob's becoming "Al's" with this disease. No wonder her anxiety is high, is the cause in the food we eat, the air we breathe, the products we put on our skin, the dish soap we use? Our world is saturating our bodies with chemicals and our brains are deteriorating. Sheri would like to go back in time to simpler, purer day, but even people who have tried that are being tested as many places are outlawing the right for people to grow there own food and have animals on there own property. Sheri has been trying hard to make better choices.
Sheri needs to pause, praise and pray, and so does our world.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri gets so frustrated when Bob follows her around. As soon as Sheri gets up in the morning, "Al" gets up too. She knows it is not his fault, but she so needs that little bit of time to drink her coffee and sit in silence with her cats. Sometimes she can send him back to bed, and sometimes not. Unless you are living it, or have lived it, no one will ever know what this Alzheimer life is like.

Living with Bob and "Al"

It is so easy for Sheri to get trapped in her own sorrow. The world around her is full of tragedy, much worse than her own. She has so much to be thankful for, a job, the ability to have a home no matter where it is. A beautiful family, freedom, the choice to listen to the birds and go out and take pictures. She is trying to remember that each moment she spends thinking of the past , is a moment she is stealing from the future, and the future is gone with every passing moment.

Jeremiah 29:11 
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is trying again to choose joy today. (She was not successful yesterday).  :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri had to stay a little later at work yesterday, which meant she would be late to the day care. She asked Daughter Number One ( the one who wears her heart on her sleeve) to pick up Bob for her. She said sure. Then she text Sheri and said "Mom I am going to kidnap Dad for a while so after work grab your camera and go take some pictures!" What a delightful, and needed surprise!
Just a couple of hours away from "Al" totally alone helped Sheri so much. Daughter Number One is turning 24 this year, Sheri is so very proud of her. Sheri found a little peace among the chaos of her life.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Bob had quite the outburst last evening. Sheri was helping get him ready for bed. Bob did not want to put his pajamas on, but he did. Then Sheri realized "Al"  had slipped Bob's shoes back on as well. Sheri simply said " Oh, we are climbing into bed so lets take your shoes off. " "Bob started almost ripping his pajamas off! He was angry and and his jaw was clenched tight. Sheri tried to stay calm, but she has really never seen him act like that. "Bob" she said " It is okay to leave your PJ's on, just slip your shoes off and we will go to bed." He took off his shoes" climbed into bed and it took almost an hour before he calmed down.
Subtle changes, she hates this disease.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri thinks she needs a break today
She just can't keep the tears away

Seeing the confusion on Bob's face
When "Al's" thoughts disappear without a trace

Seeing "them" look for things misplaced
Hearing "their" words when they are out of place

Seeing his daughters hide their fears
Seeing his daughters hide their tears

Watching her life as if it is not her own
Trapped in a nightmare , but awake... and alone


He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds."
--Psalms 147:3

Living with Bob and "Al"

While Sheri was cleaning out the garage she found a box of Bob's old tools. Nothing dangerous, she got rid of that stuff back when they lost the house, in what Sheri refers to as Alzheimer bankruptcy and foreclosure. These were just old hand tools and this and that. Sheri gave the box to Bob and sat  him at the card table in the yard, and asked him to sort the tools. "Al" spent the next hour or so taking then out of the box and putting them back in the box... over and over again. She was pleased that she came up with a way to occupy him, and keep him involved. Going through the garage items, made her sad, but it also reminded that in 2011 she was both without a home and without a job, and God provided both in the same week and oddly enough they were approved to rent this tiny little house BEFORE she had a new job to pay for it. She has been blessed. God is good.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri often wonders what is like in Bob's head. When he can't find the freezer to put an ice cube in his coffee, when he can't make a sandwich or use the toaster... does he have any awareness that something is not right? "Al" does not show it if he does, and Bob just starts whistling as if to act has it is perfectly normal to need directions to the bathroom, in this tiny house she rented.
Sheri hates this disease.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is sure God has a plan in all of this. She won't say she is happy about living in this Alzheimer world. Most days the loneliness, the repetition and giving direction overwhelm her. But if she loses her faith that God has plan ( and a good one too),  how would she get up each day and face this world. The church service on Sunday was a good reminder that we all have a Goliath standing in our path, Sheri is choosing her faith as her slingshot of choice.
Thank you Pastor Jon I needed that.

Isaiah 41:10
10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is not as patient has she would like lately, in that department she is running on empty.

Matthew 11:28-29

28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri can see that Bob is slipping away, sometimes this seems like life in slow motion. The simplest functions are becoming more difficult. "Al" can not longer follow "get undressed" without assistance. Everything seems foreign to him. From where to go to get undressed to how to do it. Sheri must stay with him and assist from start to finish. Bob may look the same on the outside of these four walls because Sheri disguises "Al" the best she can, but Sheri sees the shadow of the man she knew around every lost corner of this tiny house.

2 Corinthians 4:16

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.