Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri had a dream about a simpler time. It was a time when Bob could do anything. He was a fixer and a builder. If Sheri wanted a shelf, he built it. If she wanted a fence he built it. Serving was definitely his love language. Sheri does not think she recognized that then. 
Isaiah 43:18-19
 ¹⁸ “Forget the former things;  do not dwell on the past.¹⁹ See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness  and streams in the wasteland.

Living with Bob and "Al"

After the choking incident, the boys are back safe and sound. Sheri and friend went so see the "Boys" on Saturday. Bob enjoyed the puppy/ kitty Sir Cooper. Sheri even got kind of a half hug out of them. Of course it was followed by "Al" tapping Sheri on her shoulders saying "Congratulations, congratulations!" It is okay, Sheri will take it!.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri woke up to the birds singing and beautiful haze of the sky before the sun comes up, and as she drank her coffee on the patio and took a deep breath of the cool crisp air,  she felt God's presence telling her everything was going to be okay, and for the first time in very long time Sheri actually felt like everything is going to be okay. God is good.
Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.”

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri has been it what she calls "survival mode" for a very, very long time. She is going to focus on healing herself. Bob and "Al" are safe, and happy. Now Sheri is going to reach in deep and reach out for help.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is glad to see it is not her stressful life that causes her to forget to check Bob's pockets for randomness. She received a sweet but somewhat frantic email from the Adult Day Center yesterday . The wonderful person who does Bob's shower, puts his shirt and tee shirt in the dryer so it will be warm for him when when he gets out of the shower. (how incredibly wonderful is that? Talk about the royal treatment) Well, it was shower day and she popped them in the dryer not realizing  "Al" had stashed some crayons in his shirt pocket and ... yep melted crayon on his shirts! Too funny! Because Sheri had just done that last week! Sheri was more worried about the Adult Day Centers dryer than Bob's shirts... cause she is still trying to get the wax out of her dryer at home :)
Sheri just loves the staff at Open Circle, they are wonderful. Thank you for all you do.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri needs a note to self.  "Al's" crayons in Bob's shirt pocket, are not a good mix with the washer and dryer :(
eek.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The frozen tundra is not far behind this blustery couple of days they have had. Sheri needs to use the creative side of her brain to come up with a few more things to keep Bob and "Al" out of trouble over the weekends. 4:30 am and Bob wants to know the plan. Sheri wishes she had one. Well, she will start with coffee (lots of it)  and go from there :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri had to cancel the "boys" evening ride home on the bus. Things just were not working out at all. Sheri picked him up at "work" (code for Adult Day Center) yesterday, once in the car Bob had no idea who Sheri was and was mumbling something about being late under his breath, and trying to give her directions. Sheri thinks  "Al" has added bus driver to Sheri's resume :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri wants her readers to know she is not trying to be a hero in this mess. She knows that caring for "Al" will eventually take a toll on her own health, if it hasn't already. Sheri has been trying to make a plan for what is probably the near future while still living in the moment. She tries hard to give you a peek inside the day to day, moment by moment challenges of this disease, because from the outside people think it is only about forgetting where you put your keys. The cognition part of this is so much more challenging.Yesterday while driving home from church "Al" unbuckled his seat belt twice, not because he was trying to get out of the car, but because he was trying to attach the seat belt  to the zipper of Bob's coat. Please know that humor and this blog are Sheri's only saving grace it is the wall holding back the emotional toll. She would be drowning in tears if the flood gates opened.
Thank you for riding the waves with me.

Living with Bob and "Al"

"Al" kept asking Sheri in the early afternoon, if it was time to go home. He was concerned some one was going to steal his nuts and bolts and was frustrated that no one was helping . "Al" was asking where everyone else was, and if she had finished her nuts and bolts. Which was followed by "if you haven't you can help me with mine, or I am never gonna get this done. "  :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri feels like Bob and "Al" are on a pretty good slide right now, but she is trying to place her attention on all the good things that are happening in her life. Daughter Number One ( The one who wears her heart on her sleeve) is getting married in December. Daughter Number Two (the one who shields her heart with her sleeve) and her husband are coming home from California for good soon, and Sheri is moving to a more manageable place in the next month or so as well. She just needs to stay focused on making all the pieces to fit into place. Come to think of it she may just need to think like Bob and borrow "Al's" scotch tape :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri asked Daughter Number One to pick up Bob from work (code for Adult Day Center) yesterday. She decided to take him to out to dinner. When Bob asked Daughter Number One where they were going, she replied "to dinner at Perkins." "Al" with a bit of distress in his voice replied " I hope my wife won't mind."
Well, he knew he had a wife :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Bob was always a bit of a clean freak. His strict German upbringing had him cleaning things in detail ...often. Bob does not care much about those things now but "Al" has taken to cleaning the toilet with just his hands and since Sheri is never quite sure when "Al" has been on a cleaning spree,  Sheri is not using potato peeling as an activity any more. :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri got a chance to meet up with an old friend yesterday, (and when she says old, she means someone she has not seen in 40 plus years) Sheri was a little nervous to have Bob and "Al" in a crowded unfamiliar restaurant, but Sheri had a "plan" and brought his nuts and bolts with her. "Al" sat the entire time twisting his nuts and bolts over and over again and of course,  pocketing them "just in case" :)
Thank you David that was a welcome treat :)
God is good all the time.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Bob had another night of vertigo winding him up on the floor of the hallway. Why it only happens this severely in the middle of the night she doesn't understand. "Al" certainly doesn't understand either.   :(

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is trying to appreciate things in the moment. Bob is in a stage where "Al" seems content to sit for hours pushing his beads around on his tray and listen to Daniel O'Donnell. Sheri is in a stage where she has no interest in housework or the laundry. So even though she had plenty of things she should have been doing, she had this overwhelming desire to try to teach herself how to paint, the creative side of her brain was in overdrive. So instead of doing all the things she needed to do, she did what she wanted on a rainy damp Sunday.
Sometimes you have to care for yourself, being creative is a stress reliever for Sheri. What is yours?

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is laughing to hard for words, dear sweet man :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sometimes Sheri sits and studies Bob face
Taking her back, to a different time a different place.

A time when Bob's mind was clear and sharp
A time when Bob could take anything apart

A time when the problems he solved were great
A time when those problems had him work late

A time when everyone knew Bob was the boss
A time work came first and Sheri was cross

A time that Sheri did not understand
all the reasons Bob needed a plan

A time  Sheri felt very lost and alone
A time she thought Bob's heart was as cold as a stone

Sometimes Sheri sits and studies Bob face
Taking her back, to a different time a different place.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is not sure why the pony bead thing is working, and Sheri is not even sure what "Al" thinks Bob is doing with the beads, because all he is doing is sliding them around on the tray, but whatever it is, it works. :)

Simple Pleasures

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri has seen many articles on whether lying to dementia patients is okay. The lies we tell because they don't remember things such as the parent died and you don't want them to relive that pain. Or they are fearful and want to go home and you say they will go home soon. Sheri is certainly not an expert on the subject nor does she condone lying in "our" real world but here is the thing, the Alzheimer world is not "our" real world, and for the those of us caring for someone with an"Al" playing havoc in their mind the lie is a form of comfort that is part of meeting them in their world, meeting them where they are, which is one of the ways to calm them, comfort them, and help them live in what has become their reality. We are the ones with the flexible thinking and we need to use it. Hence Sheri made the decision to take some of the stress of  the morning off of herself by figuring out how to get Bob to ride the Metro Mobility bus to his "work" (code for Adult Day Center) in the morning. This is door to door, person to person service because he as listed has 100% disabled. The only convincing Sheri had to do was to explain that "work" had sent the choir bus to pick him up, because they want to make sure he is there for choir and although hesitant the first day or two "Al" is now bragging about the royal treatment he is getting from "work". Flexible thinking is okay and necessary to survive in their world :)