Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is having trouble seeing through her tears this morning. She signed the paper work for Bob and "Al"s" new home yesterday and the facility completed their assessment. Sheri is trying to follow her own advice and live in the moment... she is failing miserably.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Interestingly enough, Sheri's interest and love of photography was born out of  trying to find something Sheri could do from home with Bob and "Al". It turned out to be something that has opened up a whole new world of creativity for her. Most weekends Sheri loads the "boy's" in the car and drives to .... well anywhere, and searches for God's beauty in nature. Focusing on what she sees through the lens, distracts her from what she sees in her everyday world and allows her to breath deeply, if only for a moment.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri sees the devastation around the world, war, earthquakes, children starving and so much more. She has to ask herself  "so how bad truly... is a little bit of babble?"

Philippians 4:11 

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri returned to work yesterday and was exhausted when she picked Bob up from his "work " (code for Adult Day Center). Sheri asked how his day was to which "Al" replied "the day did not go well and my "workers" had no idea that down the street was close to home, and the papers were by the light pole that held the bird, and the ditch is over there." Sheri thought to herself, yep that is about how my day went too. :)

Living with Bob and "Al" "Epiphany" Part 3 of 4

Epiphany Part 3.
That evening as Sheri was helping "Al" undress for bed, it hit her. What ensued was something she was not prepared for, a sudden, deep awareness, the "epiphany" that Bob and "Al" did not need SHERI. "They just needed SOMEONE to tend to their needs. Helping "Al" shower was really the most intimate and personal care that she gave Bob, protecting him from personal humiliation and embarrassment. However, someone else was able to do that without it affecting "Al" in the least, it was just a task that anybody could do, and since the relationship part of their marriage has been gone for so very many years, this realization represented for her, the death of "wife." The tears started to fall as she touched apart of her grief she had never touched and spiraled into self pity and the acknowledgment that "wife" was not the only thing that was gone, Bob was gone too.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri checked Bob's pockets as she was helping with his pajamas last night and was pleased not to see anymore pencils with big flowers in his pockets. (She returned the five from last week to the Adult Day Center. ) "Al" however was much more creative today, because while undressing Bob, under his shirt tucked inside is undies was low and behold ... another pencil with a big yellow fake rose which he nonchalantly pulled out and handed Sheri.
Well, Bob did use to call Sheri "His yellow rose of Texas" So she thinks she will keep this one. :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri sometimes sits and studies Bob's face
Searching familiar lines, in a now unfamiliar place

The lines that led gently to his deep set brown eyes
The lines to the crease of his gentle soft smile

The line to his jaw that was bold and strong
The line to his neck that was lean and long

Sheri sometimes sits and studies Bob's face
Searching for Bob in "Al's" unfamiliar face.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Bob and "Al" fell this morning... at 4:00 am. Bob was apparently dizzy getting up to put his shoes on and go to the bathroom. He was able to get himself up with Sheri's assistance, but he fell between the bedroom doorway and the hallway so Sheri has no idea if he hit his head or not, and unfortunately, neither does Bob or "Al", he does not even know he fell. Sounds like a trip to the doctor this morning. Things change daily with this disease.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri took Bob and "Al" to the park for some much needed photography time. She was excited when she saw an eagle there."Al" was excited too. He turned to Sheri and said "Darn, I should have brought the eagle I saw too."
? :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sometimes it seems Bob's brain just takes the few things he knows and rolls them in to one. "Al" was apparently having his employees working on his nuts and bolts project at work again yesterday and "Al" was very frustrated that he had go back and sort them all out again. Sheri just went along with the story reassuring him he had always been a great organizer. Which was followed by "Al" with his thumb in Bob's belt loop streching out Bob's back in his usual way saying " Yeah.. but I am paying these people."   :)
Heavy sigh...

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri had the opportunity to have lunch with a beautiful lady on Friday. A very sweet lady that is the mother of a young woman Sheri worked with  many years ago, someone she always felt close to. This sweet lady ( the mother) has had her own "Al" for many years too. It was a blessing to spend time together and talk about things that are hard to talk about with someone who has not walked our walk. God gives us people in our past because He knew back then we would need each other in our future. God is good.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri was remembering a time (many years before Bob's diagnosis in 2008)  when "Al" had pockets full of note cards with bits of information on them. Bob would spread them out on the bed and shuffle and re shuffle them many times during the day. Sheri often wonder what he was doing. Bob was apparently trying to organize and re-organize "Al's" day. Sheri had no idea Bob's brain was so crowded. :(

Living with Bob and "Al"

"Al" keeps telling everyone that his employees call him "Mr." Bob at work (code for Adult Day Center). Sheri remembers the root of the "Mr. Bob" story... and it is not a pretty one. :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri needs to put her thinking cap back on. The 36 giant piece Alzheimer puzzles  (although "Al" was still willing to try to work on them) are now being permanently damaged because "Al" is bending, folding, tearing and cutting them to try to get them to fit together. She needs to find a new activity for the cold and blustery days in the frozen tundra.
Heavy sigh.

Living with Bob and "Al"

When Sheri and Bob got home from work yesterday to this tiny house she rented, Bob said he needed to use the restroom. Which was followed by "Al" saying "and the location of that would be....?"

heavy sigh.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Bob has been speaking "Al's" confusion more frequently lately and "Al" is much more social than Bob ever was. When Sheri picked Bob up from "work" code for Adult Day Center he said "nobody quite had it together there today." Then "Al" with a bit of that familiar disgust in his voice told Sheri they were having a party and he was not invited.
Bob always hated parties... "Al" apparently, not so much.  :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

As Sheri has watched Bob deteriorate this past year, she tries to tell herself to look at the things that he can still do... and not what "Al" has stolen from him, because she knows it only goes down from here.  She fears she has fallen back in the trap of limiting what they do and where they go based on the work it takes to get there, and the old expectations of what enjoyment is. So she will try again this year to get out as much as she can and make a presumption that Bob and "Al" will enjoy it and that she can handle any incidents that occur along the way. This is as close to a resolution as it gets in this very small Alzheimer world she lives in.  :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Like for many, Christmas and the holidays, have changed over the years. As she watches Bob fade into the shadows, Sheri cares less and less about the material things of this world and more about family, friends and enjoying time together.
 Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, stay safe and hug your loved ones.


John 3:16For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri gave Bob one of his 36 piece puzzles the other day to work on. He has not been able to complete them any more, but will still work on it for a while. As Bob's frustration grew not being able to connect the pieces, "Al" turned to Sheri with his thumb in Bob's belt loop stretching out his back in his usual way, and said "I really just need a razor or scissors so I can get these pieces to fit." Sheri replied "Well lets see if we can move them around a bit." She worked with him on a few pieces  and went back to what she was doing. A few minutes later Bob repeated his request and asked Sheri for some scissors. Sheri made the mistake of saying that he did not need scissors. "Al" in a very angry and uncharacteristic way shoved the card table forward stood up with his jaw clenched tight to one side, raised his voice and said "then I might as well find something else to do, I need a knife to finish this it is an old puzzle it does not work anymore!" Sheri was not prepared for this outburst. Redirect she thought to herself, redirect. While she was trying to regroup Bob and "Al" took off to the bedroom. Sheri paused and thought "okay just give him a minute to cool down." Sheri waited and within a minute or two she hears the very familiar sound of Bob's whistling in the hallway. Bob returns to the living room calmly sits down at the puzzle. Sheri is thinking "Oh good he has forgotten his frustration". Well, Sheri's assurance that the situation had resolved itself ended quickly as Sheri glanced over just in time to see that "Al" ( determined fellow that he is ) was quite pleased with himself as he placed the exacto knife he lifted from the craft shelf in the hallway...  down by the puzzle. :)
No wonder he was whistling, no more puzzles for "Al".

Living with Bob and "Al"

If ever there were a season
that holds the emotions too near
it is the season of holly jolly
the season of Christmas cheer

Yet I am one among many
for whom the season is confettied with tears
the pain and the strife of everyday life
has left many deep wounds through the year...

Yet we all have so much in common
we share pain, we share hope, and despair
We are in fact, "goin' through the motions"
It is just hidden in "Happy New Year"....