Living in the Shadow of Alzheimers

Sheri is still working on finding herself, and finding joy. Miss Elsie Rose turned one year old on Dec 30th..Sheri made a sock monkey out of Bob and "Äls" socks with a touch of Bob's flannel shirt, as her gift. Sheri definitely found the joy part. :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

This is 8 minutes of Bob and "Al" trying to put Bob's back brace on. It is important to understand what cognitive impairment really looks like. This is 8 minutes long for us, but to Alzheimer's there is no clock. Watch carefully as "Al" struggles at first to put his back brace on, and then how quickly he looses track of the task and soon has no idea what he was doing at all. This is true cognitive impairment. Please watch to the end Thank you.

Sheri used to wonder why people felt they still needed to recognize special days after their loved ones were gone. After all an anniversary is recognition of how long they have been together... so the fact that today "would have been" Sheri and Bob's 30th wedding anniversary, really should not be considered an anniversary at all. Sheri thinks she gets it now.
Heavy sigh, Sheri is going to pause, praise and pray.

Sheri knows she is suffering from depression and anxiety. She takes medication for this and wants others that are struggling to know it is ok to talk about it. She has been attending a grief counseling group, (well at least when the frozen tundra has been safe enough to go out in lol) She wakes up every morning and puts one foot in front of the other …. just like so many other people in the world, all for different reasons.She had surgery last week, and in her week recovery time at home she spent too much time watching headlines of the news. Sheri had to remind herself over and over that God is in control. She has turned the TV off .. she is determined to survive the aftermath of caregiving. She is going to refocus on living one day at a time and doing her best to live in Gods Word, the Comforter of all stress, depression and anxiety.
Sheri needs to Pause, Praise and Pray.

Sheri is wondering if others that have survived "living in the shadow of Alzheimer's" have experienced the awareness of physical issues with in themselves that seem to be surfacing out of nowhere? It is hard for Sheri to believe she would have ignored all these small miscellaneous health issues if she had seen them in the past. Sheri thinks it may be because the "shadow "is fading back into the light and things that were hidden are a little more visible.
Sheri needs to Pause, praise and pray.

Living with Bob and "Al"

One of the things Sheri was most touched by, is what her daughters shared at their Dads funeral. This is the video clip. When all is said and done this is all that matters in life, the lessons we learn , the people we love and seeing God in the worst of circumstances. God has blessed Sheri greatly. The video is about 10 minutes long. Turn your speakers up. Click on the funeral link below.

funeral

Sheri woke up feeling shamefully self absorbed this morning. She is realizing that many things have happened to people she cares about over the past few years. She has been so self absorbed in her own struggles, she has not been there for others in need. On this journey we call life the only thing that matters is following God's word and caring for one another. Money can't replace that, prestige can't replace that, nor can this material world we live in. Caring for one another and sharing life's inevitable ups and downs to make this life journey a little easier is our purpose. Sheri needs to pause, praise and pray.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Since  Bob's passing in late May,  Sheri has found herself sitting in her apartment starring at.. well nothing.  She doesn't know what she suppose to do with her so called free time. It is like her brain still thinks the boys need her. She cant start projects because her brain still thinks the phone might ring. She can't participate in group commitments, she thinks she wants to but then she she just can't. She is not looking for sympathy, or advice, she knows this is just part of the grief process. She just wants others to know they are not alone, if they have been, or are where she is.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is trying to find herself. It has been many years since she had time to look deep inside and face the sins of her past and the true desires of her heart. She is trying to understand her path, not only where she has been... but where she is going.
God is good.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end chapter 28

For whatever reason "the boys" would not let go, and that place between life and death lingered on. Sheri and the girls stole the mattress from Bobs old bed and placed it on the floor next to the hospital bed that guarded Bobs lifeless body. Sheri rested on the floor next to him.  The low chest rattle of Bob's breathing was both a comfort that he was still with her, yet prevented her from sleeping for fear she would miss his final breath. Hospice was amazed he was holding on so much longer than expected, his physical appearance had deteriorated well beyond a point that human eyes should see.
but one thing it did confirm for Sheri, was that this body we are in, this shell, is only whats protects our souls while we are on this earth, it does not define who we are.

Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God Who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7).
 

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 27

As the days dwindled down, Sheri and the girls watched Bob's earthly body deteriorate, and everyday was one step closer to total healing for "the boys". One day, in one very quick moment, Sheri was sure she saw Bob make eye contact with her. She saw the only eye that was slightly open, follow hers as she spoke to him comforting him, loving him, reassuring him. In that moment she knew Bob was close to being whole.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18

17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 26

The workers at the facility were trying hard to help Sheri and the girls. They let them use one of the model apartments to sleep in as there was not enough room for the three of them to sleep in the room with "the boys". This was a huge help because this way they could stay with Bob in shifts while the others got some sleep. They brought in trays of food in at no charge... Sheri was very grateful, and on Monday when the higher ups saw the "storage room" they were in they quickly moved the stacks of cabinets to a different location, and apologized profusely. This gave the family room to spread out. Sheri and the girls were grateful for the kind treatment.
Philippians 4:6: Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end chapter 25

Bob and "Al" were in a shared room, and because both of her daughters and their husbands were there constantly, they allowed Bob and "Al" to move to another room they needed privacy desperately. The faculty only had one other room available, they were using half of the room for storage of new kitchen cabinets stacked double high that were to be installed next week. The smell of fresh wood, stain and cardboard permeated the room. Has they have done so many times before on this very long journey, Sheri and the girls had tearful giggles knowing that Bob, the fix anything, build any thing man was right at home, these were smells that Bob would not have found offensive, as Bob the man who managed a hardware store and mixed paint all day, was very familiar with. The irony of the situation brought more laughter, that was really grief running down their faces.

Revelation 21:4 “And God will wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there will be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”

Living with Bob and "Al"

 The beginning of the end chapter 24
Sheri was overwhelmed, scrambling to make funeral arrangements.She had know idea how expensive a funeral was.  All in for casket burial $12,000.00 dollars with the least expensive casket. One funeral director  (who could tell Sheri was trying to be practical ) told Sheri to come to come back after he passed. Sheri felt like he thought she would by a more expensive casket in her grief.
At any rate, Bob had lost the ability to swallow and the expected date went from 10 days to 2 or three in the blink of an eye. 

2 Corinthians 4:16

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 23
 
After the last call saying "the boys" had 2 or three months, it seemed like each day a new call came with the news of the Bob and "Al" fading quickly. Hospice was wonderful and Sheri felt comfort in their experience and calmness. From the initial evaluation of an unknown time frame... we were down to ten days. Sheri's heart was hurting but knew "the boys" needed to be free of this awful disease. 
 Revelation 21:4 “And God will wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there will be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 22

Sheri got a call from the hospice nurse for the regular update. Unfortunately "the boys" had gone from an unknown time frame...to maybe 2 or 3 months. Sheri's head was spinning.
If you learn nothing else from Sheri's blog learn to live in the moment and pause, praise and pray.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 21

When the boys began hospice they started  Bob and "Al" on morphine. They were finding it hard to get the right dosage to keep "them calm". So as Bob could no longer swallow, his eyes closed all the time, and his morphine not quite high enough, it appeared to Sheri that "they" were hungry and thirsty, because anything that came by Bob's mouth "Al" tried to put in Bob's mouth. There is a vision stuck in Sheri's head, haunting her daily, "Al" put Bob's fingers in his mouth and began to suck them.
What a wretched, wretched disease.
Isaiah 40:29 He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri has been taking a little break from recounting the beginning of the end with Bob and "Al". Although she believes it is really helping her to go through this process Sheri believes she is experiencing something that she likens to PTSD. So she did what she does to help with her stress, she got out very early before work with her camera. The fog was beautiful.. and quite appropriate for Sheri's state of mind.
Isaiah 41:10
 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

 

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 16

After assuring the aid that she did the right thing, She explained that she had a meeting with hospice in the morning. The aid was teary eyed, and Sheri settled in to chair in 'the boy's" room , to wait out the rest of the night/morning until hospice would arrive. The aid went on about her routine, it was not long after the aid left the room that the tears in the aides eyes started running down Sheri's cheeks.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 15

Sheri assured the women she did the right thing, and proceeded to explain to her the emergency room visit and all the tests Bob had done. The aid was fixing Bob's sheets and mumbled under her breath, "well that would have been nice to know."
Sheri took a deep breath, and then told herself to breathe in through her nose and out through her mouth.