Still living in the shadow the Alzheimers

 It has been 5 years since Bob's passing, but Sheri is learning the hard way that just because "Al" is gone does mean that all is well. Sheri is learning that the coping skills of day-to-day life that she used for all those years to survive, are not necessarily serving her well now. How does one change? How do you undo the desperate inner need to keep all plates spinning at warp speed, to prevent the possibility of failure, of life crashing down all around you. Especially if that fear no longer exists.

Sheri needs to pause, praise and pray.

Living in the shadow of Alzheimer's

Sheri is still tripping over the shadow of Alzheimer's. She has tried running from it, ignoring it, pretending it didn't exist, and of course her old stand by of laughing at it. She knows she just needs to embrace it but it is so hard, because at the end of each day as the sun sets, the harsh shadows come back, but as she reaches for the shadow... it fades away.
Sheri needs to pause, praise and pray.

Living in the Shadow of Alzheimers

Sheri keeps having dreams with a reoccurring theme. In the dream/nightmare "Äl" is driving after Bob's license to drive was taken away. Sheri is in the car and is begging "them" to pull over. Sheri thinks even though it has been almost 1 1/12 years since Bob passed away, and years and years since they pulled his license, Sheri is experience some of the true fears she had during those years when survival mode was her mode of operation.
Sheri still needs to pause, praise, and pray.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 30

Bob entered the kingdom of heaven on May 22nd lifted up in the arms of angels, He was escorted there by the sounds of his girls playing the guitar and singing "Hallelujah", Sheri can not think of a better way to enter the presence of God. Amen?

Psalm 16:11 “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end chapter 29

If Sheri were truthful ( which she promised she would be years ago, about this journey) she would tell you that she carried a lot of resentment about that last trip to the emergency room. Her human nature wanted someone..or something to blame for this decline with Bob and "Al". Sheri knows however, that the last trip to the emergency room was a blessing in one important way. You see the brain MRI they did on that exhausting , seemingly pointless visit to the ER, showed that "Al" had completely taken over Bob's brain and ability for Bob to tell his body what do was gone. This, in reality, was assurance, a blessing in disguise, that Sheri had done absolutely everything she could do for "the boys". This was never in her control and she needed a clear, strong sign that God had them (all of them) resting in the palm of HIS hand.

 For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” Isaiah 30:15

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 27

As the days dwindled down, Sheri and the girls watched Bob's earthly body deteriorate, and everyday was one step closer to total healing for "the boys". One day, in one very quick moment, Sheri was sure she saw Bob make eye contact with her. She saw the only eye that was slightly open, follow hers as she spoke to him comforting him, loving him, reassuring him. In that moment she knew Bob was close to being whole.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18

17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 23
 
After the last call saying "the boys" had 2 or three months, it seemed like each day a new call came with the news of the Bob and "Al" fading quickly. Hospice was wonderful and Sheri felt comfort in their experience and calmness. From the initial evaluation of an unknown time frame... we were down to ten days. Sheri's heart was hurting but knew "the boys" needed to be free of this awful disease. 
 Revelation 21:4 “And God will wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there will be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 22

Sheri got a call from the hospice nurse for the regular update. Unfortunately "the boys" had gone from an unknown time frame...to maybe 2 or 3 months. Sheri's head was spinning.
If you learn nothing else from Sheri's blog learn to live in the moment and pause, praise and pray.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri has been taking a little break from recounting the beginning of the end with Bob and "Al". Although she believes it is really helping her to go through this process Sheri believes she is experiencing something that she likens to PTSD. So she did what she does to help with her stress, she got out very early before work with her camera. The fog was beautiful.. and quite appropriate for Sheri's state of mind.
Isaiah 41:10
 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

 

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 17

As it turned out, hospice could not get there until about 1:00 in the afternoon. Sheri was past drained, tired, a better description would be numb and zombie like. She had called daughters one and two and explained what was happening. They both headed out to the facility and were there for the meeting with hospice. Such beautiful, grown up young ladies God has blessed Sheri with. 

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 16

After assuring the aid that she did the right thing, She explained that she had a meeting with hospice in the morning. The aid was teary eyed, and Sheri settled in to chair in 'the boy's" room , to wait out the rest of the night/morning until hospice would arrive. The aid went on about her routine, it was not long after the aid left the room that the tears in the aides eyes started running down Sheri's cheeks.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 14

Sheri got to the faculty,  she was tired, she was confused, she was angry. The person that opened the door was not someone she had met before. She introduced herself to the staff member and quickly walked to Bob's room, Bob and "Al" were out cold as Sheri would have thought after all the medication the emergency room pumped into "them".  With in minutes the female staff member that let Sheri in, came into the room. Sheri's blood was nearing the boiling point. Out of the comer of eye she could see this the soul of this woman. She looked very sad, and started apologizing for calling Sheri.  She said I have been caring for Bob on overnights the whole time he has lived here, he is my buddy, he follows me around at night, this is just not like him, as she wiped the tears from her eyes.
Though her tears and shaken voice she said, "I just did not want to do the wrong thing". Sheri new in that moment that this woman had know idea that Bob and "Al" had been in the hospital all those hours. This was not this sweet woman's fault, there was clearly a major breakdown in communication. 
The system is broken.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 12

Sheri tried to unwind on the 30 minute drive home. She was so tired she was afraid she might fall asleep behind the wheel and she felt numb inside and out. She got home about 10 pm and collapsed onto the bed. She woke up at 3:30 am to find she had missed 4 calls from the nurse that was on call.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 6

Sheri waited patiently ( "the boy's" impatiently) for the doctor to come in and evaluate Bob's condition. About a half hour to 45 minutes in, a female doctor came in and read the chart and then turned to Sheri and asked why we were here what types of changes the facility had seen. Sheri took a deep breath and tried to explain what she knew. The doctor said they need to run a battery of tests and listed off a chest x-ray (Bob was coughing), blood work, a urine sample, and head CT scan. The doctor did her best to explain to Sheri why the tests needed to be done, Sheri said she felt that this was just a progression of the disease after all they were 10 years plus in this monster called Alzheimer's. The problem with that assumption apparently, was that the facility needed to know what was happening, because the 2 person assist was a change. They scheduled the tests and the first one, the urine test, was not attainable with out a catheter. The calming medicine they gave "the boys" was not working, they gave a second dose but to no avail. Sheri spent the next five minutes or so assisting the 2 nurses by laying across 6'4,strong as an ox Bob's chest holding "them" down while the nurses inserted the catheter. Bob and "Al" cried out in pain, Sheri went into her familiar survival mode (at least on the outside) on inside she was weeping uncontrollably.

Living with Bob and "Al"

 The beginning of the end Chapter 3


Finally after Sheri's continual persistence , they let her go back to the room. The curtain was drawn and when she drew it back, there was "Al" by himself with Bobs' eyes closed and jaw clenched tight ... and one leg stuck through the railing trying desperately to get out of the tangled mess of the hospital bed.
Sheri had to hold her tongue.

Living without Bob and "Al"

Sheri is realizing that she has trouble making conversation. Her small talk always revolved around Bob and "Al". She knows nothing really about current events, sports, or politics. It is like she needs a class on how to live life.
Sheri needs to pause, praise and pray.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri knows it will take a while to find self again, she just wishes the pit in her stomach would find a new home.

Living with Bob and "Al"

For those of you that are local who may wish to attend:

Funeral services for Bob Zschocher
Saturday May 26th, 2018
1:30 pm

Cross of Glory Church
4600 Shady Oak Rd.
Hopkins, MN 55343

Thank you,
Sheri

Living with Bob and "Al"

Thank you for all your prayers and support

                            Bob and "Al"

March 29th 1943 - May 22nd 2018                         

Pause, praise, pray

                      

 

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri only thought the last ten years was the hard part.