Living with Bob and "Al"

This morning while Sheri was sitting on patio drinking her coffee, the first humming bird of the season flew right up with in inches of Sheri's face and stayed there for several seconds. A smile spread across Sheri's face as she heard the soft hum of it's wings. It felt like it was looking straight at her, and as it flew away Sheri thought she heard it calling "come follow me, there is so much more of this life to lead."

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri thanks all her friend for the many inquiries about how Sir Cooper is doing. He is doing very well! He is the sweetest little guy, and has been a great comfort to her. he even comes to work with her most days.  :)

 

Living with Bob and "Al"

When Sheri looks around at the state of our world, she is able to see how minute her sorrow really is. She is trying to think beyond herself and her own grief, and see what kind of impact she can make in her small piece of the world.
Sheri needs to pause, praise and pray.

Living with Bob and "Al"

If ever there were a season
that holds the emotions too near
it is the season of holly jolly
the season of Christmas cheer

Yet I am one among many
for whom the season is confettied with tears
the pain and the strife of everyday life
has left many deep wounds through the year

Yet we all have so much in common
we share pain, we share hope, and despair
We are in fact, "goin' through the motions"
It is just hidden in "Happy New Year".

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri found herself watching some old home videos over the weekend, you know the kind she means. The ones that seem to go on forever, filming what now looks like silly nothingness, but at the time she was sure every moment counted. As she watched Bob cuddle and hold a conversation with his new baby daughter, his first child, Sheri touched those emotions she keeps hidden deep, for fear of starting a flood she can't control. As it turns out every moment did count... the dam will break eventually.


 

Living with Bob and "Al"

One thing Sheri has said many times is how much she misses true conversation. Bob was trying so hard to converse with Sheri yesterday as she mumbled about her sadness and anger about the state of the world. Bob was talking as well, his voice inflection even matched Sheri' but his conversation was about his nuts and bolts and how angry he was that no one else could do them.
Sheri just needs to pause, praise and pray, and converse with God.

Living with Bob and "Al"

If Sheri were honest, she would tell you she often envy's the other couples her age she sees walking hand in hand, or leaning in close at restaurants. She knows it is not right, but she is only human.  But then again MAYBE they are holding hands to keep the other from wandering off, and MAYBE they are leaning to close to check to see if their "Al" needs to use the restroom (but with a really big smile on their face.) See... Sheri feels better already. Well honestly not quite yet, but she is hoping the power of positive thinking will take over soon. :) 

Proverbs 14:30 

A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri had a God moment yesterday. Feeling somewhat sorry for herself, and knowing Bob and "Al" had no idea it was their anniversary, Sheri took the day off and sent the boys off on the bus to the Day Center anyway and claimed the day as her own. She set off early with her camera to catch the sunrise hoping for spectacular color. Sheri was disappointed when she approached the park and there was just a dark haze in the sky. There she stood bundled up staring at sky. As she stared at the barren trees with their dark outlined against the gray blue sky, the image was beautiful and Sheri started snapping pictures Then it happened. The vision she sees most often of Alzheimer's in the brain is what they call "tangles." As she stared at the beauty of the twisted branches in the trees, she heard a whisper of a voice in her ear telling her to see the beauty in the "tangles", Sheri began to cry and then the cry turned into joy and beauty. She began to see that she needs to see the beauty of the "tangles" of Alzheimer's like she sees the beauty of the tangles of the trees. God is good all the time.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri has noticed that her heart feels very heavy, but her busy life does not even allow her private time to cry. (Or do the dishes.)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sometimes Sheri sits and studies Bob's face
Looking for signs of Bob, but can't find even a trace.

She is looking for the man confident and sure
The man that was honest, hard working and pure.

The man that brought her roses, one at a time
The man with a big heart, gentle and kind.

Sheri has to look very deep into "Al's" eyes
To see Bob's reflection in "Al"s confused smile.

2 Corinthians 4:16
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Truth be told, Sheri is tired. This Alzheimer wife-life can be overwhelmingly lonely. Sheri knows it is not Bob's fault, but occasionally she has a private pity party, to which she then looks around at all incredibly bad things that are happening in the world and realizes she has so very much to be thankful for. The one thing she knows for sure is that the lack of relationship and intimacy for so very many years has forced her to look elsewhere for comfort and renewal, that elsewhere turned out to be inward and upward.
2 Corinthians 4:16
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.