Living with Bob and "Al"

Sometimes Sheri sits and studies Bob face
Taking her back, to a different time a different place.

A time when Bob's mind was clear and sharp
A time when Bob could take anything apart

A time when the problems he solved were great
A time when those problems had him work late

A time when everyone knew Bob was the boss
A time work came first and Sheri was cross

A time that Sheri did not understand
all the reasons Bob needed a plan

A time  Sheri felt very lost and alone
A time she thought Bob's heart was as cold as a stone

Sometimes Sheri sits and studies Bob face
Taking her back, to a different time a different place.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is in need of a hug. Is there an app for that?

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri uses humor to share about her life with Bob and "Al" because that way the tears of despair are hidden in the tears of laughter. They both run down the cheeks in the same direction.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is so excited she found something very important to her, one of the last things Bob made for her. She thought she lost it in the move, when she lost her home to what Sheri likes to call "Alzheimer's foreclosure" here is the post from her blog when Bob had made the gift from 2010.

In Sheri's endless pursuit to find a hobby or something that Bob and "Al" can occupy their time with during the day , Sheri thought that whittling might be a good idea, after all "they" love to build things and work with wood. So Sheri got some wood and some whittling knives feeling confident that this would work she even got a beginner book for them. She eagerly gave Bob and "Al"  the book and the 4 by 6 inch block of wood with all the assorted items. She was so excited, this would be something they would enjoy, and would provide hours if not days of creative joy. So they looked at the book together "Oh", Bob said.... "okay I will try the ladybug" "They" knew Sheri liked ladybugs. Sheri left for work knowing that they had a project that would take several days to complete. Sheri came home from work for lunch that afternoon... Bob and Al had a big smile on their face"Well I figured it out, it is finished" Bob said with confidence. Sheri said "what is finished?" "The ladybug" they said. Sheri was shocked,"really?" she said. "Yes " they said "Why would any one make a ladybug with such a little knife?" "I just took the belt sander and zip...It is a little flat but at least it's done."
 Okay,... so maybe whittling isn't their thing.....
  Back to the drawing board..... :)

Sheri found it in a box in the garage, complete with it's push pin legs, it made her heart smile 1/2015

           

Living with Bob and "Al"

There are people in every corner of the world experiencing such suffering. Sheri has no right to be dissatisfied with her life. How can she know about these awful things and in the same breath be selfish in her desire for a relationship she can not have? She wants a hug, when children are parent-less, she wants romance when others want food. She wants conversation when others don't have the freedom to speak what is in their heart.
Sheri need to pause ( because breathing deep before taking action brings clarity), praise (because giving thanks for all the things God provides for her, and the promises of what He will bring in the future, helps her see what she does have, and not focus on her losses) , and pray (because asking God to heal our world, give her strength and show her the plan for her life) is the only conversation that will matter in the end.
It helps Sheri when she puts a little perspective on her life.

Living with Bob and "Al"

It is so easy for Sheri to get trapped in her own sorrow. The world around her is full of tragedy, much worse than her own. She has so much to be thankful for, a job, the ability to have a home no matter where it is. A beautiful family, freedom, the choice to listen to the birds and go out and take pictures. She is trying to remember that each moment she spends thinking of the past , is a moment she is stealing from the future, and the future is gone with every passing moment.

Jeremiah 29:11 
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is sure God has a plan in all of this. She won't say she is happy about living in this Alzheimer world. Most days the loneliness, the repetition and giving direction overwhelm her. But if she loses her faith that God has plan ( and a good one too),  how would she get up each day and face this world. The church service on Sunday was a good reminder that we all have a Goliath standing in our path, Sheri is choosing her faith as her slingshot of choice.
Thank you Pastor Jon I needed that.

Isaiah 41:10
10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri feels it approaching again, the cycle of depression. It ebbs and flows with each passing day. The routine of her life, the monotony of the exact same few lines of conversation every day, or lack of conversation all together leaves her feeling trapped by a loneliness that has no expiration date. Sheri knows it is not his fault, this dreadful thing, but the fact still remains that Sheri feels sometimes that real life is slipping by. It reminds her of that old song... maybe it is Seals and Crofts song  "we may never pass this way again" verse that she is thinking of. Life is passing by but in Sheri's case she is standing still with her feet stuck in quick sand.
This too will pass, She just needs to pause, praise and pray, because realistically it only gets worse from here... so she needs to find her joy in this moment.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Truth be told, Sheri and Bob don't get out much. She hears friends at work talking about places and vacations, events and celebrations. Sheri wishes sometimes they could be more social. It just seems to be so much work and creates so much stress. But Sheri has learned to enjoy the very simplest things in life. Sometimes the simple act of pouring a cup of coffee gives her great joy. (Of course she blames that on "The best part of waking up, is Folgers in your cup" commercials)    :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri was watching a TV show last night, with Bob and "Al" snoring in bed right beside her. The couple had an impromptu moment when the husband with unspoken words took the wife's hand and began to dance with her. Out of no where and with out warning, Sheri began to cry. It is not that Sheri felt like that was a real moment that would have happened in her life if it weren't for "Al". It was that it represented every intimate moment that she and Bob ever had , right down to a simple touch of hands with meaning that has been gone for years and is no more. Some times you have to allow yourself those moments, however unexpected they might be.
Sheri's heart hurts.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri knows her loneliness is the biggest weakness she has. She wants to talk all day about the moments of life, the good the bad and the ugly, She wants to wake up early and enjoy nature in the woods somewhere and dance all night and go to bed late. Sheri sees herself much differently then the mirror reflects her life.
Sheri hates this disease.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri can tell things are sliding with Bob and "Al". Sheri feels terrible because she snapped at Bob yesterday morning. When she helped him undress the night before for bed, she made sure he took off his back brace, it is rigid and his back doctor said he should not sleep with it on. Yesterday when Bob awoke he was in an excessive amount of back pain for no apparent reason. When Sheri went to help him get cleaned up for the day and put the patches on his back and dressed, only then did she realize at some point "Al"put his back brace on during the night, and had slept with it on. Sheri snapped at Bob and said " Robert we took this off last night, when did you put it back on?" "Al" retorted "I did not put it back on!" Then Sheri did something she rarely does she said with anger in her voice" Well, I sure didn't! When have I ever put your back brace on you?" She could tell Bob was upset and she felt terrible for it. She knows it is not his fault, but sometimes the frustration of the situation gets the best of her.
Each new little change, means Sheri has to adjust her routine a little tiny bit more. Sheri needs to hide his back brace from sight now to make sure "Al" does not cause Bob more pain.
Sheri hates this disease.

Living with Bob and "Al"

It is a brand new day. Sheri is going to try hard to snap out of it and set her worry and loneliness aside. She can be content with life in each little joy she can find.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matt 6:25-27 NIV

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri knows she goes through cycles of emotions. She tries hard to stay on track with her "live one moment at a time" theory. She knows in her mind there is no use dwelling on the situation, but her heart sometimes persuades her head to touch the emotions she keeps buried about this "Alzheimer" world she lives in. Having just had their 25th anniversary, and Bob's birthday, Sheri feels like she may be a tad bit stuck in that "place" right now. She has learned that she just needs to ride it out, it is what it is and as it is with all grief... it's okay to feel it.

Philippians 4:6-7Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri looks around her and sees so many people in pain. Everybody has their own journey. All journeys involve joy, sadness, comfort and fear. It may be cancer, a disability, Alzheimer's or other Dementia's and so many other diseases. People are plucked from this earth daily. So if it true that we all have a journey, then what is the purpose of all this? Sheri has learned that for her, the purpose is to learn "faith". Faith is "believing that God is who He says He is, and that He will do what He says He is going to do, even when you can not see the result of that faith".
So Sheri is trying to look at her journey with Bob and "Al" and have faith that this is Gods plan for her. One day at time, one moment at a time. It is a struggle, there are no easy answers. She is lonely and her life is not what she expected. But her life is what God expected. :)

Hebrews
1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 2 This is what the ancients were commended for.
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Living with Bob and "Al"

"Al" has lost Bob's watch again, Sheri checked with Zoey the cat who said to check with M&M man.
M&M man said he has not seen it. Sheri hopes Spring comes soon cause talking to the cat is one thing, the M&M man well...

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri loves the "Adult Day Center " Bob attends called Open Circle. They helped them make Valentines! Sheri know's it was "Al" "working" that day because although Sheri refers to him here as Bob, his family has always called him Robert, and he signed cards to her that way, something only she would know. But  it is okay, it was the intent that counts. So very sweet :)   Happy Valentines Day to all the members of the "Lonely Hearts Club".

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri thinks she needs a break today
She just can't keep the tears away

Seeing the confusion on Bob's face
When "Al's" thoughts disappear without a trace

Seeing "them" look for things misplaced
Hearing "their" words when they are out of place

Seeing his daughters hide their fears
Seeing his daughters hide their tears

Watching her life as if it is not her own
Trapped in a nightmare , but awake... and alone




He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds."
--Psalms 147:3

Living with Bob and "Al"

Yesterday as they were preparing for Thanksgiving, "Al" asked Sheri with confusion on his face,  "What holiday do we use a tree for?" How sad. Well at least he knew there was another holiday...   :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

"Al" can't find his way, but Bob can't find his life.
Sheri hates this disease.