"Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is hoping for a better week. When Sheri feels overwhelmed, it is reflected in Bob and "Al", and then projected through them, back to Sheri. Keeping all the balls in the air can be challenging to say the least.

From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:2

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is working on "choosing joy" today, in the moment. We have all been dealt a hand in life. Sheri is not sure what the plan is, but she IS sure God has one. :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

While Sheri was cleaning out the garage she found a box of Bob's old tools. Nothing dangerous, she got rid of that stuff back when they lost the house, in what Sheri refers to as Alzheimer bankruptcy and foreclosure. These were just old hand tools and this and that. Sheri gave the box to Bob and sat  him at the card table in the yard, and asked him to sort the tools. "Al" spent the next hour or so taking then out of the box and putting them back in the box... over and over again. She was pleased that she came up with a way to occupy him, and keep him involved. Going through the garage items, made her sad, but it also reminded that in 2011 she was both without a home and without a job, and God provided both in the same week and oddly enough they were approved to rent this tiny little house BEFORE she had a new job to pay for it. She has been blessed. God is good.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is sure God has a plan in all of this. She won't say she is happy about living in this Alzheimer world. Most days the loneliness, the repetition and giving direction overwhelm her. But if she loses her faith that God has plan ( and a good one too),  how would she get up each day and face this world. The church service on Sunday was a good reminder that we all have a Goliath standing in our path, Sheri is choosing her faith as her slingshot of choice.
Thank you Pastor Jon I needed that.

Isaiah 41:10
10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is not as patient has she would like lately, in that department she is running on empty.

Matthew 11:28-29

28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri feels it approaching again, the cycle of depression. It ebbs and flows with each passing day. The routine of her life, the monotony of the exact same few lines of conversation every day, or lack of conversation all together leaves her feeling trapped by a loneliness that has no expiration date. Sheri knows it is not his fault, this dreadful thing, but the fact still remains that Sheri feels sometimes that real life is slipping by. It reminds her of that old song... maybe it is Seals and Crofts song  "we may never pass this way again" verse that she is thinking of. Life is passing by but in Sheri's case she is standing still with her feet stuck in quick sand.
This too will pass, She just needs to pause, praise and pray, because realistically it only gets worse from here... so she needs to find her joy in this moment.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri knows she goes through cycles of emotions. She tries hard to stay on track with her "live one moment at a time" theory. She knows in her mind there is no use dwelling on the situation, but her heart sometimes persuades her head to touch the emotions she keeps buried about this "Alzheimer" world she lives in. Having just had their 25th anniversary, and Bob's birthday, Sheri feels like she may be a tad bit stuck in that "place" right now. She has learned that she just needs to ride it out, it is what it is and as it is with all grief... it's okay to feel it.

Philippians 4:6-7Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Living with Bob and "Al'"

If ever there were a season
that holds the emotions too near
it is the season of holly jolly
the season of Christmas cheer

Yet I am one among many
for whom the season is confettied with tears
the pain and the strife of everyday life
has left many deep wounds through the year...

Yet we all have so much in common
we share pain, we share hope, and despair
We are in fact, "goin' through the motions"
It is just hidden in "Happy New Year"....

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sometimes, (okay, a lot of the time) Sheri would rather sit around and feel sorry for herself. She has  to make every decision on her own, about every single thing in life. Do you understand what that means? This is not what she signed up for.( Of course she knows it is, but who thinks about the possibility of Alzheimer's and what it means when you marry?)  "Marriage is a partnership" so she hears every single day on a radio station she listens to. But instead of feeling sorry for herself she is going to force herself to remember that the only partnership she needs, is the one she has formed with God. He has promised "He would not leave her or forsake her", and she will write this on her lonely heart because
 "GOD KEEPS HIS PROMISES". Sheri just needs to pause, praise and pray.

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. Deut. 31:6

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri woke this morning with an unusual amount of anxiety. She knows this has no purpose, and Bob and "Al" will surely sense it,  but she just can't seem to shake it. Of course drinking as much coffee as she does is probably not going help the situation now is it?  

September is Alzheimer's Awareness Month

You may think this stuff is to hard to read
It is depressing I know at best
 "it doesn't affect" me.."
so I"ll pretend, I'll pretend  it doesn't exist

But the very hardest part of this reality
Is that this could be anybody's "Bob"
Anybody's family

It just might be your Grandpa
or Mr. Green jeans right next door
it could be your doctor
or the cashier at the store

It could be your Grandma
or the one that does your hair
It could be sister
Would that make you care?

Learn the warning signs
that signal, that all may not be right
So the shadows will not overtake
your "Bob's" shining light.

Proverbs 4:7
Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom.
Though it cost all you have, get understanding.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Bob is sure he saw a bird from their old house at the feeder yesterday. "Al" said he recognized him by his chirp. Simple pleasures Sheri, Simple pleasures.  :)

One of  Sheri's bird photos

Living with Bob and "Al"

When Sheri is overwhelmed she takes pictures, when she is happy she takes pictures, when she is sad she takes pictures. Sheri is trying to learn to substitute photography for food. Which of course was a substitute ... for love.
That is what happened when Alzheimer's took over her world, even before she knew what it was.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Yesterday, when having lunch with a very dear friend Sheri came up with a perfect way of describing what goes on in her head and heart as she sways through the dizziness of her life. Bob and "Al", Daughter number one (the one who wears her heart on her sleeve), Daughter number two ( the one who shields her heart with her sleeve), her job, running the household, concern for her Mom and Dad (her Mom being paralyzed several years ago.) Maybe all care givers feel this way. She has decided she is like the little "Weeble" toy.
Weebles wobble but they don't fall down.  :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

In all honesty, there are days when Sheri is not sure how long she can keep this up. Living with Bob and "Al" is challenging. Sheri is determined to do more for herself this year, but that may mean learning to do less for Bob and "Al". At this moment she does not really even know what that might look like, but it is on her to do list.

Living with Bob and "Al"

While at the doctor's a male nurse came in and Sheri handed him Bob's meds list. Sheri got smart this time and wrote down that Bob has Alzheimer's and that she would help answer any questions. The nurse read it nodded at her and handed it back. Then the nurse said to Bob " you can move the mask now so I can take your temperature. Bob reached up to move the mask, but instead of lowering the mask, "Al" moved the mask up... totally covering Bob's eyes... glasses and all, leaving Bob confused and turning his head from side to side, trying to figure out what happened. The male nurse was looking down at the time and when he looked up and saw the result of his instruction, he turned his head toward Sheri and gave a gentle smile. Sheri (chuckling to herself) walked over and took the mask off for the benefit of all of them.   :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

There are many changes again at home. Daughter number 1 ( the one who wears her heart on her sleeve) moved into her own apartment this weekend. Sheri is truly happy for her... She needs to start living a 22 years old life like she is suppose to. Daughter number 2 ( the one who shields her heart with her sleeve) is back at college. She is dealing with so many emotions about different things right now. Both daughters are afraid precious time will slip away with their Dad. Once again Sheri's sleeves are just not big enough to catch all the tears of their lives.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is going to have to order bird houses in bulk for Bob and "Al" to paint. Although last night she just gave him one he had just painted and he painted right over it... no questions asked so maybe  problem solved?    :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sometimes Sheri gets overwhelmed with the many unanswered questions in her life. She just needs to trust that God is in control, no matter what. This needs to scroll through her head like like those red lines at the bottom of the news on her TV screen, the ones that give you up to the minute information. Now wouldn't that be great if it scrolled through with reminders like "God knows your pain... Trust in God...God loves you...God is in control.

Proverbs 3:5

 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is hoping Bob sleeps in late this morning,  keeping him upright on his own two feet is proving to be a challenge for her, and "Al" does not want to cooperate by remembering to use his cane. Sheri hates this disease.