Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri's heart needs some attention.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Bob was frustrated when Sheri picked him up from "work" (code for Adult Day Center) yesterday. "Al" said "the crew he has just doesn't seem to get it, they just don't want to work."  :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

When Sheri and Bob got home from work yesterday to this tiny house she rented, Bob said he needed to use the restroom. Which was followed by "Al" saying "and the location of that would be....?"

heavy sigh.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is remembering a time many years ago, when she thought Bob was just not listening to her. She desperately wanted to have deep meaningful talks and discussions. It seemed like the harder she tried, the more distant Bob got. She begged him to talk to her, sometime she would say "what are you thinking, say the first thing that comes into your head." Sheri knows now that it was not that Bob would not respond, "Al" could not respond. The neurological tests they did back on 2008, showed (among other things) that Bob did not have the ability to go into his head and think of something to say. Sheri was dumbfounded. Those tests answered every question she ever had about Bob. Sheri had to come to terms with a relationship with "Al". A relationship that still changes daily.

Sheri is sure God has a plan for her life. She just needs to pause, praise and pray.

Living with Bob and "Al"

It was really cold in the frozen tundra yesterday, so Sheri was challenged again to keep Bob involved. She decided she would wash dishes and told him when she washed them he could dry them. Bob seemed very excited about that and said "Oh, okay great!" Which was followed by "Al" asking " a ... where do I find the dishes?"    :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

As Sheri has watched Bob deteriorate this past year, she tries to tell herself to look at the things that he can still do... and not what "Al" has stolen from him, because she knows it only goes down from here.  She fears she has fallen back in the trap of limiting what they do and where they go based on the work it takes to get there, and the old expectations of what enjoyment is. So she will try again this year to get out as much as she can and make a presumption that Bob and "Al" will enjoy it and that she can handle any incidents that occur along the way. This is as close to a resolution as it gets in this very small Alzheimer world she lives in.  :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

No party here on New Years Eve. Sheri, Bob, and "Al" will retire early as usual. Sheri is not disappointed about that though.  She will look back on 2014 and be grateful for all her blessings, thankful for her family, content with what she has, and she will try to remember to live in the moment, that is all that is promised in this life anyway. Then she will try her hardest to pause, praise and pray.
Please have a safe and Happy New Year!

Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is drained and tired. Sometimes she thinks maybe she is in denial about how much longer she can care for Bob and "Al" at home. She write this blog daily because Alzheimer's is a daily disease. It is not just the spot you see on the news, or the quick mention on the radio.
It is a personal blog, because Alzheimer's is personal disease. It affects the most personal of issues and it is happening everywhere to someone and that someone's caregiver, every moment of every day. As caregivers we just keep evolving to meet the demands of the evolving disease, making our perspective on our world distorted and convincingly tolerable.
 Then even as Sheri says that in her head, her heart is still beating to a different drummer, for reasons even Sheri does not understand.

Living with Bob and "Al"

When Sheri asked Bob how is day was at "work" (code for adult day center) yesterday, "Al" replied with the now common disgust in his voice and said " I think all my employees took their holiday early... they had no motivation to do anything today. I had to pull a few off to side to speak to them about it."  
Sheri would love to be a fly on the wall :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Bob had a choir event at "work" (code for Adult Day Center) yesterday. On the way home "Al" asked Sheri "Have you been singing in a group where you work?"  :)
Gotta smile it is so sweet.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri figured something out yesterday. She realized that whatever Bob is doing right in the moment is what "Al" did at "work" (code for Adult Day Center) that day. Last week Sheri had him peeling potatoes at home and out came a story of "Al" peeling potatoes at "work" and how they only ask him to peel the potato's. Then yesterday Sheri had Bob attempt to sweep the kitchen floor and a story unfolded about "Al" sweeping the floor at "work" and they had only asked him to do this. The same sequence of conversation continued as she let him try to dry the dishes she was washing.  "Al" repeated theses stories over and over until he fell asleep last night. Sheri is glad he feels important, sad that this is what Bob's hardworking life has come to.
This disease is very hard to watch.

2 Corinthians 4:16
16 Therefore we do not give up; even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day.   

Living with Bob and "Al"

Bob was drinking his coffee yesterday morning when  "Al" turned to her and said " You know who I haven't  heard from lately... Iris." Sheri was caught of guard, Iris his oldest sister died many, many years ago 1984 Sheri thinks. Sheri has known for a while that Bob has moved into losing long term memory but she just was not prepared for this stage. Sheri just nodded, and redirected the conversation.
Subtle changes,  Sheri hates this disease.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri really does not know anymore what Bob knows or what "Al" still remembers. She is not sure what made her ask, but she threw it out there. "Bob" she said "Where did you and I meet?" Bob paused clearly pondering the question. "Al" with an air of confidence in his voice replied "must have been about the time I joined the choir".
Well, Sheri should have known better than to ask the question, but at least she is associated with something he enjoys :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is going to try and do some holiday baking today, she needs to find something for Bob and"Al" to help with.... maybe she can find a cookie recipe with peeled potatoes in it  :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

A few weeks ago the sweet ladies at Bob's Day Center and Sheri were concerned about Sheri's Bob because Bob's best friend at work ( who was also a Bob) was moving to Memory Care facility. The two Bob's were best buds, sang in the choir together and spent all day together. So everyone was worried about what would happen when the other Bob was no longer around, well Sheri guesses sometimes there are blessing in the horrible disease, Bob has not asked about the other Bob at all, like he  never knew he existed.
What an interesting disease.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri learned yesterday from "Al", that Bob was a piano player in his younger days... Bob must have been with  "Al"  when he traveled the world with the orchestra  :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri feels bad, but she has realized this week that pain makes her grouchy. She knows it is not Bob or "Al's" fault but "Al" wants to know the plan, and Sheri just wants the plan to be MAKE THE PAIN IN HER MOUTH STOP!
 Care giving is hard enough when you feel fine, but when you feel bad... well quite frankly it sucks.
(I apologize for the s word, Bob would be appalled)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is grateful for a dear friend that took her for her oral surgery and then stayed with her during that first day and daughter number one ( the one who wears her heart on her sleeve) for trading off getting Bob and "Al" to daycare. Then daughter number one cooked Thanksgiving dinner by herself yesterday. She did a great job. Sheri has decided that if dentists told you ahead of time how bad the pain was going to be you might decide it would be wisest to leave  your wisdom teeth in your head :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri had another idea for Bob. She had purchased some wire nuts in yellow , blue and red and thought maybe he could sort them by color. Sheri's hope was since he managed a hardware store in his last career that the sorting the wire nuts would be familiar to him.  Well, Bob certainly liked handling the wire nuts, but sorting them was not his thing. "Al" decided he should separate them in groups of 20 for some reason, which he attempted to do over and over again with the same handful of yellow wire nuts. He even asked for tape so he could label the containers (something he did often years ago)  "I need to get this done for the store", he said over and over again. Well it was not Sheri's mission but it was "Al's" and it kept Bob and "Al" engaged for almost 2 hours , and they felt they were doing something of value, and at this stage of the game, that is what is important. :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Bob and "Al" are sharing space
"Al's" confusion is showing on Bob's face.

"Al" is eating all the time,
Bob's pants are tight and he is not sure why.

"Al" goes to "work", and talks all day
Bob comes home and has nothing to say.

"Al" seems happy and living carefree
Bob is a stranger not often seen.

Together sharing life it's the best it can be
Sheri and Bob and "Al" makes three.