Living with Bob and "Al"

The bitter cold in the frozen tundra this winter, has kept Sheri from working on her commitment of getting out more with Bob and "Al" this season. Well,  that is her story anyway... and she is sticking to it.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri struggles with the lack of affection and relationship in her life. There are no answers to this issue. The truth is, it had been this way even long before "Al" was officially moved in. She knows it is not Bob's fault, but jealousy sets in quickly when she sees other couples their age, walking hand in hand or sharing a quiet moment on a park bench. She tries to just pause, praise and pray, in those moments, but the truth is it is not easy, and she is still human.

Proverbs 14:30  A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.

Living with Bob and "Al"

After exhausting herself in search of a new place to live, Sheri has been blessed with a bit of good news. The county is not taking the whole house as she originally though, just a huge chunk of the front yard . The side walk and the road will come closer to her front door but she is feeling like she is just going to have to deal with it. She can not find a place that works on her budget and meets the needs of  Bob and "Al". The work will start in the Spring and maybe it won't be that bad. Who knows with in a year a lot may change with "Al" and Sheri may be looking for a totally different type of living space. At least for the moment she is going to try and stick it out, she has been so stressed over it, she just can't seem to pull a move off right now.
(Thank you cyber friends for worrying with me :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is wishing she was not such an emotional person. If she could disconnect from her emotions, maybe life would not hurt so much. But then again when she tries to disconnect .... she feels empty. If she disconnects she also does not feel the joy she feels when she looks at nature and all the beauty God has created. Sheri needs to balance her emotions she needs to continue to pause, praise and pray.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is working on "choosing joy" today, in the moment. We have all been dealt a hand in life. Sheri is not sure what the plan is, but she IS sure God has one. :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri wishes she could make time stand still in the mornings. Coffee and her kitty are her escape from her ever growing mountain of worry's. As soon as Bob and "Al" wake up the avalanche down the mountain begins. She never was a very good skier. She sees that roaring pile of snow over her shoulder all all day long, and all she thinks about is that with Alzheimer's there is no way out. The darkness is headed this direction and it gets closer to consuming Bob and in many ways Sheri each day.
Sheri needs to pause, praise, and pray.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri has been going through boxes stored in the garage, since their move into this tiny house she rented 2 1/2 years ago, In hopes of getting rid of more things so she can park her car in the garage before the next winter is upon her. She found an old video camera with a box of old tapes.( yes she said tapes :)  Sheri was surprised to see that it still worked and found herself watching hours of her families life, a life in many ways did not seem like her own. Seeing Bob in his work shirt from the hardware store, huge ring of keys dangling from his belt loop. The independent man that took on any mechanical, electrical, building challenge. He seemed quite the stranger to the dependent, cautious man that follows Sheri from room to room hands clasped together in front of him. The one that can not find the freezer to put ice cubes in his coffee. Bob watched the videos with Sheri, but she is not sure that he recognized himself, any more then Sheri did.
Sheri hates this disease.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri was watching a TV show last night, with Bob and "Al" snoring in bed right beside her. The couple had an impromptu moment when the husband with unspoken words took the wife's hand and began to dance with her. Out of no where and with out warning, Sheri began to cry. It is not that Sheri felt like that was a real moment that would have happened in her life if it weren't for "Al". It was that it represented every intimate moment that she and Bob ever had , right down to a simple touch of hands with meaning that has been gone for years and is no more. Some times you have to allow yourself those moments, however unexpected they might be.
Sheri's heart hurts.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri knows her loneliness is the biggest weakness she has. She wants to talk all day about the moments of life, the good the bad and the ugly, She wants to wake up early and enjoy nature in the woods somewhere and dance all night and go to bed late. Sheri sees herself much differently then the mirror reflects her life.
Sheri hates this disease.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri gets so stressed some days, a full time job and caring for Bob and "Al". She is usually way to tired when she gets home to venture out any where, but for Sheri it only takes a few minutes staring out the bedroom window with her camera in hand to get a totally different perspective on life. God's creativity is amazing... God is good.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri sometimes sits and studies Bob's face
Searching familiar lines, in a now unfamiliar place

The lines that led gently to his deep set brown eyes
The lines to the crease of his gentle soft smile

The line to his jaw that was bold and strong
The line to his neck that was lean and long

Sheri sometimes sits and studies Bob's face
Searching for Bob in "Al's" unfamiliar face.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The other day one of Sheri's friends called her a writer. Sheri does not see herself as a writer. She sees herself as a women with a very large multifaceted hole in her heart, and her feelings and emotions are seeping out... through her blog.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri just wants to come home from work and carry on a conversation, a true conversation. She wants to tell Bob about her day and  have interaction, not give direction. She wants Bob to hug her and comfort her and let her know that everything will be alright, It is not that friends and family don't care... but at the end of the day she still feels alone.

Genesis 2:18 

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is not sure why she feels like she hasn't quite bounced back from her trip to Texas yet. She feels drained, tired and just not quite with it. It is interesting that while being a caregiver we get obsessed with caring for our loved one, because we know they can't take care of themselves, but yet we are capable of taking care of ourselves but often overlook our basic needs because of being a caregiver. Which will of course hasten our need for a caregiver ourselves.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is surprised that so many people still think Alzheimer's is just about memory loss... it is about so much more that. The loss of cognitive functioning is sometimes much harder to deal with. Sheri sees this happening at a much faster pace with Bob now. Sheri can remind him of his past... but trying to explain how to do life's everyday tasks... that is what becomes overwhelming.

Living with Bob and "Al"

It is a brand new day. Sheri is going to try hard to snap out of it and set her worry and loneliness aside. She can be content with life in each little joy she can find.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matt 6:25-27 NIV

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri has been married to "Al" for 7 years now, but today is Bob and Sheri's 25th Wedding Anniversary. A good day to pause. praise and pray.
                                     

March 18, 2014

March 18, 1989

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri has to keep telling herself God has plan for her life, maybe even more than one plan for her life. She had an opportunity yesterday, to share in someone else's grief that is much like her own. This beautiful lady and her beautiful daughter read Sheri's blog. There was something incredibly moving for Sheri to see her own pain reflected back in the face of someone else. It was as if God was providing a mirror for Sheri  to see her own reflection of grief.
She needs trust, pause, praise and pray.

Revelation 21:4

and He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there shall no longer be any death; there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away

Living with Bob and "Al"

There is a lot of snow in the frozen tundra this winter and Bob is sure it is the most he has ever seen. On the way to "work" (code for Adult Day Center) yesterday "Al" was commenting about the amount of snow, and said "wow look at that, we just need a few more of those lined up that would take care of the snow." Sheri not sure what he was referring to said " A few more of what?" "Al" pointed out the window and said "that!" "Oh" Sheri replied "that is the sun."Al" turned to Sheri with a very stern look on his face and said " Well. what ever it is we need about 5 of them lined up in row."
Heavy sigh.... But he is right. :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Bob and "Al" have apparently been on many trips lately. All the National Parks ( the ones we have watched on video), the trip to Hawaii ( with Elvis via DVD), and to Ireland where he watched Daniel O'Donnell in person (on the three DVD set), that with all that traveling Sheri is just plum warn out this weekend and thinks she may just stay in bed. :)