Still living in the shadow the Alzheimers

 It has been 5 years since Bob's passing, but Sheri is learning the hard way that just because "Al" is gone does mean that all is well. Sheri is learning that the coping skills of day-to-day life that she used for all those years to survive, are not necessarily serving her well now. How does one change? How do you undo the desperate inner need to keep all plates spinning at warp speed, to prevent the possibility of failure, of life crashing down all around you. Especially if that fear no longer exists.

Sheri needs to pause, praise and pray.

Living in the shadow of Alzheimers

One more day. Sheri knows every day is a blessing, but she will be really glad when 2018 comes to close.
Sheri needs to Pause, Praise and Pray.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end chapter 29

If Sheri were truthful ( which she promised she would be years ago, about this journey) she would tell you that she carried a lot of resentment about that last trip to the emergency room. Her human nature wanted someone..or something to blame for this decline with Bob and "Al". Sheri knows however, that the last trip to the emergency room was a blessing in one important way. You see the brain MRI they did on that exhausting , seemingly pointless visit to the ER, showed that "Al" had completely taken over Bob's brain and ability for Bob to tell his body what do was gone. This, in reality, was assurance, a blessing in disguise, that Sheri had done absolutely everything she could do for "the boys". This was never in her control and she needed a clear, strong sign that God had them (all of them) resting in the palm of HIS hand.

 For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” Isaiah 30:15

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 27

As the days dwindled down, Sheri and the girls watched Bob's earthly body deteriorate, and everyday was one step closer to total healing for "the boys". One day, in one very quick moment, Sheri was sure she saw Bob make eye contact with her. She saw the only eye that was slightly open, follow hers as she spoke to him comforting him, loving him, reassuring him. In that moment she knew Bob was close to being whole.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18

17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 26

The workers at the facility were trying hard to help Sheri and the girls. They let them use one of the model apartments to sleep in as there was not enough room for the three of them to sleep in the room with "the boys". This was a huge help because this way they could stay with Bob in shifts while the others got some sleep. They brought in trays of food in at no charge... Sheri was very grateful, and on Monday when the higher ups saw the "storage room" they were in they quickly moved the stacks of cabinets to a different location, and apologized profusely. This gave the family room to spread out. Sheri and the girls were grateful for the kind treatment.
Philippians 4:6: Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 23
 
After the last call saying "the boys" had 2 or three months, it seemed like each day a new call came with the news of the Bob and "Al" fading quickly. Hospice was wonderful and Sheri felt comfort in their experience and calmness. From the initial evaluation of an unknown time frame... we were down to ten days. Sheri's heart was hurting but knew "the boys" needed to be free of this awful disease. 
 Revelation 21:4 “And God will wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there will be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 22

Sheri got a call from the hospice nurse for the regular update. Unfortunately "the boys" had gone from an unknown time frame...to maybe 2 or 3 months. Sheri's head was spinning.
If you learn nothing else from Sheri's blog learn to live in the moment and pause, praise and pray.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 21

When the boys began hospice they started  Bob and "Al" on morphine. They were finding it hard to get the right dosage to keep "them calm". So as Bob could no longer swallow, his eyes closed all the time, and his morphine not quite high enough, it appeared to Sheri that "they" were hungry and thirsty, because anything that came by Bob's mouth "Al" tried to put in Bob's mouth. There is a vision stuck in Sheri's head, haunting her daily, "Al" put Bob's fingers in his mouth and began to suck them.
What a wretched, wretched disease.
Isaiah 40:29 He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 20

For the first week things seem to settle down a little, the aids felt like "the boys" were more awake during the morning, so Sheri tried to get there before work as often as she could. She tried to help feed "them". They were quickly losing their ability to swallow, (something that already started before hospice.) The soft creamy food was barely going down. Aspiration was a big concern at this point. Sheri was tired, and seeing Bob like this was heartbreaking.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 17

As it turned out, hospice could not get there until about 1:00 in the afternoon. Sheri was past drained, tired, a better description would be numb and zombie like. She had called daughters one and two and explained what was happening. They both headed out to the facility and were there for the meeting with hospice. Such beautiful, grown up young ladies God has blessed Sheri with. 

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 14

Sheri got to the faculty,  she was tired, she was confused, she was angry. The person that opened the door was not someone she had met before. She introduced herself to the staff member and quickly walked to Bob's room, Bob and "Al" were out cold as Sheri would have thought after all the medication the emergency room pumped into "them".  With in minutes the female staff member that let Sheri in, came into the room. Sheri's blood was nearing the boiling point. Out of the comer of eye she could see this the soul of this woman. She looked very sad, and started apologizing for calling Sheri.  She said I have been caring for Bob on overnights the whole time he has lived here, he is my buddy, he follows me around at night, this is just not like him, as she wiped the tears from her eyes.
Though her tears and shaken voice she said, "I just did not want to do the wrong thing". Sheri new in that moment that this woman had know idea that Bob and "Al" had been in the hospital all those hours. This was not this sweet woman's fault, there was clearly a major breakdown in communication. 
The system is broken.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 12

Sheri tried to unwind on the 30 minute drive home. She was so tired she was afraid she might fall asleep behind the wheel and she felt numb inside and out. She got home about 10 pm and collapsed onto the bed. She woke up at 3:30 am to find she had missed 4 calls from the nurse that was on call.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter10

The doctor enter the room, Sheri was more than exhausted, "the boys" were zombied out from all the meds. The doctor said after reviewing all the tests there was no apparent reason for the changes. Sheri chimed in (probably a little more sarcastically then her normal polite self)  and said "you mean other than the fact that he is 10 plus years into this disease?" The doctor nodded in agreement. She offered to admit him for further evaluation and before the doctor had even finished her comment, Sheri stopped her and with tears in her eyes said "No. No! there would be nothing they would find that Sheri would approve treatment for at this stage of the disease, so absolutely not. " The doctor said she agreed with that decision and said they would write the order for hospice care, she said someone would call her in the morning to sign the paperwork. They set up the ambulance to take "them" back to the faculty. Before they left , the male nurse that had been so gruff at the beginning of the night came over to Sheri and asked if he could give her a hug. Sheri was taken aback, but then he said "the staff and myself have been watching and listening to you care for your husband all evening, we have all been in awe of your patience and care of him." he and several others gave her a hug.
 Sheri sat in her car, her heart heavy, defeated, and numb, but Sheri knew God was present thru the afternoon and evening, and she knew He was in the car with her as well, she was just not able to see Him through her tears.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 9

The chest x-ray came back with a small amount of fluid in Bob's lungs, but apparently nothing to be too concerned about. By the time the results of the Brain CT scan came back it was a 8:30pm. Now because of all the drugs they had given "the boys" Bob and "Al" were pretty much catatonic. Sheri waited for the results of the last test, and when the doctor came in Sheri took a deep breath, and waited for what ever she was going to say next.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 8

After three tries they decided it was time to change medicine, they were not able to get "the boys" to settle down. By now Sheri and "the boys" had been in the emergency room for 3.5 to 4 hours. Sheri was drained and wearing down quickly. She had to interact with "the boy's" every second of every minute, singing , humming, trying to keep him in the bed, those very long legs found there way back in the bed rails many times. After two doses of the new medicine and another hour, "the boys" were still enough to have the chest x-ray done, and after the third dose and 30 minutes later "they" were able to have the Brain MRI. Sheri felt like she had been through battle... she could not believe all of this was necessary.
Sheri knew she needed to pause, praise and pray, she felt alone and defeated.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 6

Sheri waited patiently ( "the boy's" impatiently) for the doctor to come in and evaluate Bob's condition. About a half hour to 45 minutes in, a female doctor came in and read the chart and then turned to Sheri and asked why we were here what types of changes the facility had seen. Sheri took a deep breath and tried to explain what she knew. The doctor said they need to run a battery of tests and listed off a chest x-ray (Bob was coughing), blood work, a urine sample, and head CT scan. The doctor did her best to explain to Sheri why the tests needed to be done, Sheri said she felt that this was just a progression of the disease after all they were 10 years plus in this monster called Alzheimer's. The problem with that assumption apparently, was that the facility needed to know what was happening, because the 2 person assist was a change. They scheduled the tests and the first one, the urine test, was not attainable with out a catheter. The calming medicine they gave "the boys" was not working, they gave a second dose but to no avail. Sheri spent the next five minutes or so assisting the 2 nurses by laying across 6'4,strong as an ox Bob's chest holding "them" down while the nurses inserted the catheter. Bob and "Al" cried out in pain, Sheri went into her familiar survival mode (at least on the outside) on inside she was weeping uncontrollably.

Living with Bob and "Al"

 The beginning of the end Chapter 3


Finally after Sheri's continual persistence , they let her go back to the room. The curtain was drawn and when she drew it back, there was "Al" by himself with Bobs' eyes closed and jaw clenched tight ... and one leg stuck through the railing trying desperately to get out of the tangled mess of the hospital bed.
Sheri had to hold her tongue.

Living with Bob and "Al"

 The beginning of the end chapter 2

Sheri got to the facility and spoke to the staff. They said that Bob and "Al" had a change in status although they were not sure what had happened. He was not able to bare weight and was unresponsive. Sheri was a little confused because she and the girls had seen him unresponsive quite often but the nurses said they had not seen this previously and wanted him checked out. So off to the hospital by ambulance "they" went. Sheri met the ambulance there but they had already taken "the boys" back to do the initial intake and they would not allow Sheri back in the room. Sheri kept telling them not to leave him alone, explaining the degree of his disease and the nurse assured her some one would be with him.

Living without Bob and "Al"

Sheri is feeling the need to go back and fill in the gaps of the last couple of months. She is hoping reliving it here, the way she has been accustom to doing...will help her process her life.
Stay tuned.

Living without Bob and "Al"

Sheri is realizing that she has trouble making conversation. Her small talk always revolved around Bob and "Al". She knows nothing really about current events, sports, or politics. It is like she needs a class on how to live life.
Sheri needs to pause, praise and pray.