Living in the Shadow of Alzheimers

Sheri is still working on finding herself, and finding joy. Miss Elsie Rose turned one year old on Dec 30th..Sheri made a sock monkey out of Bob and "Äls" socks with a touch of Bob's flannel shirt, as her gift. Sheri definitely found the joy part. :)

Living in the Shadow of Alzheimer's

Sheri is still working on finding herself. Last week she found herself taking Sir Cooper on his first Air plane flight to San Antonio Texas for her Fathers 86th birthday. They had a great visit, and as usual Sir Cooper was the star of the show..
" The Adventures of Sir Cooper and the Wandering Widow" :)

Living in the Shadow of Alzheimers

Sheri keeps having dreams with a reoccurring theme. In the dream/nightmare "Äl" is driving after Bob's license to drive was taken away. Sheri is in the car and is begging "them" to pull over. Sheri thinks even though it has been almost 1 1/12 years since Bob passed away, and years and years since they pulled his license, Sheri is experience some of the true fears she had during those years when survival mode was her mode of operation.
Sheri still needs to pause, praise, and pray.

Living without Bob and "Al"

Sheri is having a hard time accepting that it has been a year today since Bob and Al became one again, rejoicing with Lord. She is sure he is singing in the heavenly choir.
Sheri needs to pause, praise and pray.

Living with Bob and "Al"

This is 8 minutes of Bob and "Al" trying to put Bob's back brace on. It is important to understand what cognitive impairment really looks like. This is 8 minutes long for us, but to Alzheimer's there is no clock. Watch carefully as "Al" struggles at first to put his back brace on, and then how quickly he looses track of the task and soon has no idea what he was doing at all. This is true cognitive impairment. Please watch to the end Thank you.

Sheri is trying hard to find her center, but she is not sure if the tears of the past weigh more or less than the fears of the future.
Sheri needs to pause, praise and pray.

Sheri used to wonder why people felt they still needed to recognize special days after their loved ones were gone. After all an anniversary is recognition of how long they have been together... so the fact that today "would have been" Sheri and Bob's 30th wedding anniversary, really should not be considered an anniversary at all. Sheri thinks she gets it now.
Heavy sigh, Sheri is going to pause, praise and pray.

Sheri is trying hard to just go with flow, as she navigates these deep swings of joy and sorrow. To be honest most days she just focuses on work and hopes she can keep it together. She is not looking for sympathy, she is just sharing so you might know what others in your life who are grieving, are going through.
Sheri needs to pause, praise and pray.

Sheri knows she is suffering from depression and anxiety. She takes medication for this and wants others that are struggling to know it is ok to talk about it. She has been attending a grief counseling group, (well at least when the frozen tundra has been safe enough to go out in lol) She wakes up every morning and puts one foot in front of the other …. just like so many other people in the world, all for different reasons.She had surgery last week, and in her week recovery time at home she spent too much time watching headlines of the news. Sheri had to remind herself over and over that God is in control. She has turned the TV off .. she is determined to survive the aftermath of caregiving. She is going to refocus on living one day at a time and doing her best to live in Gods Word, the Comforter of all stress, depression and anxiety.
Sheri needs to Pause, Praise and Pray.

Sheri is wondering if others that have survived "living in the shadow of Alzheimer's" have experienced the awareness of physical issues with in themselves that seem to be surfacing out of nowhere? It is hard for Sheri to believe she would have ignored all these small miscellaneous health issues if she had seen them in the past. Sheri thinks it may be because the "shadow "is fading back into the light and things that were hidden are a little more visible.
Sheri needs to Pause, praise and pray.

Sheri woke up feeling shamefully self absorbed this morning. She is realizing that many things have happened to people she cares about over the past few years. She has been so self absorbed in her own struggles, she has not been there for others in need. On this journey we call life the only thing that matters is following God's word and caring for one another. Money can't replace that, prestige can't replace that, nor can this material world we live in. Caring for one another and sharing life's inevitable ups and downs to make this life journey a little easier is our purpose. Sheri needs to pause, praise and pray.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Since  Bob's passing in late May,  Sheri has found herself sitting in her apartment starring at.. well nothing.  She doesn't know what she suppose to do with her so called free time. It is like her brain still thinks the boys need her. She cant start projects because her brain still thinks the phone might ring. She can't participate in group commitments, she thinks she wants to but then she she just can't. She is not looking for sympathy, or advice, she knows this is just part of the grief process. She just wants others to know they are not alone, if they have been, or are where she is.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is trying to find herself. It has been many years since she had time to look deep inside and face the sins of her past and the true desires of her heart. She is trying to understand her path, not only where she has been... but where she is going.
God is good.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 30

Bob entered the kingdom of heaven on May 22nd lifted up in the arms of angels, He was escorted there by the sounds of his girls playing the guitar and singing "Hallelujah", Sheri can not think of a better way to enter the presence of God. Amen?

Psalm 16:11 “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end chapter 29

If Sheri were truthful ( which she promised she would be years ago, about this journey) she would tell you that she carried a lot of resentment about that last trip to the emergency room. Her human nature wanted someone..or something to blame for this decline with Bob and "Al". Sheri knows however, that the last trip to the emergency room was a blessing in one important way. You see the brain MRI they did on that exhausting , seemingly pointless visit to the ER, showed that "Al" had completely taken over Bob's brain and ability for Bob to tell his body what do was gone. This, in reality, was assurance, a blessing in disguise, that Sheri had done absolutely everything she could do for "the boys". This was never in her control and she needed a clear, strong sign that God had them (all of them) resting in the palm of HIS hand.

 For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” Isaiah 30:15

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end chapter 28

For whatever reason "the boys" would not let go, and that place between life and death lingered on. Sheri and the girls stole the mattress from Bobs old bed and placed it on the floor next to the hospital bed that guarded Bobs lifeless body. Sheri rested on the floor next to him.  The low chest rattle of Bob's breathing was both a comfort that he was still with her, yet prevented her from sleeping for fear she would miss his final breath. Hospice was amazed he was holding on so much longer than expected, his physical appearance had deteriorated well beyond a point that human eyes should see.
but one thing it did confirm for Sheri, was that this body we are in, this shell, is only whats protects our souls while we are on this earth, it does not define who we are.

Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God Who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7).
 

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 22

Sheri got a call from the hospice nurse for the regular update. Unfortunately "the boys" had gone from an unknown time frame...to maybe 2 or 3 months. Sheri's head was spinning.
If you learn nothing else from Sheri's blog learn to live in the moment and pause, praise and pray.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 21

When the boys began hospice they started  Bob and "Al" on morphine. They were finding it hard to get the right dosage to keep "them calm". So as Bob could no longer swallow, his eyes closed all the time, and his morphine not quite high enough, it appeared to Sheri that "they" were hungry and thirsty, because anything that came by Bob's mouth "Al" tried to put in Bob's mouth. There is a vision stuck in Sheri's head, haunting her daily, "Al" put Bob's fingers in his mouth and began to suck them.
What a wretched, wretched disease.
Isaiah 40:29 He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 15

Sheri assured the women she did the right thing, and proceeded to explain to her the emergency room visit and all the tests Bob had done. The aid was fixing Bob's sheets and mumbled under her breath, "well that would have been nice to know."
Sheri took a deep breath, and then told herself to breathe in through her nose and out through her mouth.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 11

Sheri met the ambulance back over at the faculty. "The boys" were sleeping , and Sheri was past the point of exhaustion. She met with staff and explained everything. She let them know that Bob was highly drugged and that he would definitely be out a long time. She covered the paperwork with the them, explained the procedures he had done and to refer to the after care instructions. She asked if they had any questions and they said no. There was only an on call nurse overnight so Sheri explained she would be starting him on hospice care and would call in the morning to speak to the nurse. She peeked in on "the boys" one more time, and then headed home.