Still living in the shadow the Alzheimers

 It has been 5 years since Bob's passing, but Sheri is learning the hard way that just because "Al" is gone does mean that all is well. Sheri is learning that the coping skills of day-to-day life that she used for all those years to survive, are not necessarily serving her well now. How does one change? How do you undo the desperate inner need to keep all plates spinning at warp speed, to prevent the possibility of failure, of life crashing down all around you. Especially if that fear no longer exists.

Sheri needs to pause, praise and pray.

Living in the Shadow of Alzheimer's

Sheri was invited to be a part of an Alzheimer's Caregiver Advisory Board in Washington DC this past weekend. This was way, way out side her comfort zone, but she put on her big girl pants and went! Sheri felt a little like a fish out of water to be included with some very well known authors and people very involved in the Alzheimer's world. Everyone there embraced her, and valued what she had to contribute, giving her a confidence in having shared her journey with Bob and '"Al".
Sheri felt very honored to have been asked to this event.
God is good, all the time.

Living without Bob and "Al"

Sheri is having a hard time accepting that it has been a year today since Bob and Al became one again, rejoicing with Lord. She is sure he is singing in the heavenly choir.
Sheri needs to pause, praise and pray.

Sheri is trying hard to find her center, but she is not sure if the tears of the past weigh more or less than the fears of the future.
Sheri needs to pause, praise and pray.

If ever there were a year that this award was special to Sheri, she would have to say this year would be it. Thank you to the faithful readers that made this possible. Do your best to live in the moment  and pause, praise and pray.
Click the link below and I am the 6th one down.

Healthline's top Alzheimer blogs of 2019

Living in the shadow of Alzheimers

One more day. Sheri knows every day is a blessing, but she will be really glad when 2018 comes to close.
Sheri needs to Pause, Praise and Pray.

Sheri is trying to learn to that it is okay to share the gifts God has given her. She had her photos/canvas display Open House at the coffee shop over the weekend. Sheri knows she would have never pursed photography had she not been so lonely and struggling so hard to find something she could do with Bob and "Al". God always has a plan... whether we know it or not.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end chapter 29

If Sheri were truthful ( which she promised she would be years ago, about this journey) she would tell you that she carried a lot of resentment about that last trip to the emergency room. Her human nature wanted someone..or something to blame for this decline with Bob and "Al". Sheri knows however, that the last trip to the emergency room was a blessing in one important way. You see the brain MRI they did on that exhausting , seemingly pointless visit to the ER, showed that "Al" had completely taken over Bob's brain and ability for Bob to tell his body what do was gone. This, in reality, was assurance, a blessing in disguise, that Sheri had done absolutely everything she could do for "the boys". This was never in her control and she needed a clear, strong sign that God had them (all of them) resting in the palm of HIS hand.

 For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” Isaiah 30:15

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 26

The workers at the facility were trying hard to help Sheri and the girls. They let them use one of the model apartments to sleep in as there was not enough room for the three of them to sleep in the room with "the boys". This was a huge help because this way they could stay with Bob in shifts while the others got some sleep. They brought in trays of food in at no charge... Sheri was very grateful, and on Monday when the higher ups saw the "storage room" they were in they quickly moved the stacks of cabinets to a different location, and apologized profusely. This gave the family room to spread out. Sheri and the girls were grateful for the kind treatment.
Philippians 4:6: Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 23
 
After the last call saying "the boys" had 2 or three months, it seemed like each day a new call came with the news of the Bob and "Al" fading quickly. Hospice was wonderful and Sheri felt comfort in their experience and calmness. From the initial evaluation of an unknown time frame... we were down to ten days. Sheri's heart was hurting but knew "the boys" needed to be free of this awful disease. 
 Revelation 21:4 “And God will wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there will be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 18

Sheri and the girls met with hospice, there were two people from hospice there. They were wonderful. They listen carefully and understood Sheri's concerns about recent events and explained that now everything would go through them. "the boys" would now get music therapy, massage therapy, and hospice nursing care. Sher felt a sense of relief, and the fog lifted enough to pause, praise and pray.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri has been taking a little break from recounting the beginning of the end with Bob and "Al". Although she believes it is really helping her to go through this process Sheri believes she is experiencing something that she likens to PTSD. So she did what she does to help with her stress, she got out very early before work with her camera. The fog was beautiful.. and quite appropriate for Sheri's state of mind.
Isaiah 41:10
 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

 

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 14

Sheri got to the faculty,  she was tired, she was confused, she was angry. The person that opened the door was not someone she had met before. She introduced herself to the staff member and quickly walked to Bob's room, Bob and "Al" were out cold as Sheri would have thought after all the medication the emergency room pumped into "them".  With in minutes the female staff member that let Sheri in, came into the room. Sheri's blood was nearing the boiling point. Out of the comer of eye she could see this the soul of this woman. She looked very sad, and started apologizing for calling Sheri.  She said I have been caring for Bob on overnights the whole time he has lived here, he is my buddy, he follows me around at night, this is just not like him, as she wiped the tears from her eyes.
Though her tears and shaken voice she said, "I just did not want to do the wrong thing". Sheri new in that moment that this woman had know idea that Bob and "Al" had been in the hospital all those hours. This was not this sweet woman's fault, there was clearly a major breakdown in communication. 
The system is broken.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 13

Sheri quickly called back the number. Sheri said who she was and apologized for missing the calls and inquired about what was happening. She replied that they were sending him over to the emergency room, because he was not responding to the staff , that he had a bloody discharge coming out of his male parts and that usually he is way more alert. Sheri held her tongue, well somewhat. in a tone that was pretty much yelling into the phone "Absolutely not! We just spent 8 hours there! I am meeting with hospice in the morning !" (All the while Sheri is holding her cell phone up by her shoulder as she scrambled to get dressed ) The on call nurse said "I see the notes... but he is not on hospice yet , so we have to address the staffs concerns." Sheri finally pulled up her big girl panties and said "you are not sending him anywhere, I am 30 minutes away, I will be there and stay with him until hospice comes to meet with me in the morning, do NOT send him to the hospital! "

Sheri needed to pause, praise and pray. She did not. She was reliving the past 24 hours and was struggling to fight back tears so she could drive.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 12

Sheri tried to unwind on the 30 minute drive home. She was so tired she was afraid she might fall asleep behind the wheel and she felt numb inside and out. She got home about 10 pm and collapsed onto the bed. She woke up at 3:30 am to find she had missed 4 calls from the nurse that was on call.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 11

Sheri met the ambulance back over at the faculty. "The boys" were sleeping , and Sheri was past the point of exhaustion. She met with staff and explained everything. She let them know that Bob was highly drugged and that he would definitely be out a long time. She covered the paperwork with the them, explained the procedures he had done and to refer to the after care instructions. She asked if they had any questions and they said no. There was only an on call nurse overnight so Sheri explained she would be starting him on hospice care and would call in the morning to speak to the nurse. She peeked in on "the boys" one more time, and then headed home.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end chapter 4

Amidst Sheri's frustration and anger, she asked the male nurse to please come in and help her get Bobs leg out of the railing. He said he would be right there, in the mean time Sheri had to dodge what was quickly becoming a very agitated "Al's" grabbing anything he could, hands. When the nurse came he started telling Bob in his not so pleased stern nurse voice, that he needed to lie down and rest, and he was going to start an IV. Sheri tried to explain the degree of his disease, and that he does not understand what you are telling him... just so he would know why "the  boys" were not following his s"rest" instruction, but the nurse snapped at her and said "Yes, but we still talk to them like people."
 Sheri's heart hurt.

Living without Bob and "Al"

Sheri is trying to reinvent herself....  but Bob was always the one with the plan.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri knows it will take a while to find self again, she just wishes the pit in her stomach would find a new home.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri only thought the last ten years was the hard part.