Living in the Shadow of Alzheimer's

Sheri was invited to be a part of an Alzheimer's Caregiver Advisory Board in Washington DC this past weekend. This was way, way out side her comfort zone, but she put on her big girl pants and went! Sheri felt a little like a fish out of water to be included with some very well known authors and people very involved in the Alzheimer's world. Everyone there embraced her, and valued what she had to contribute, giving her a confidence in having shared her journey with Bob and '"Al".
Sheri felt very honored to have been asked to this event.
God is good, all the time.

Sheri is trying hard to just go with flow, as she navigates these deep swings of joy and sorrow. To be honest most days she just focuses on work and hopes she can keep it together. She is not looking for sympathy, she is just sharing so you might know what others in your life who are grieving, are going through.
Sheri needs to pause, praise and pray.

Sheri knows she is suffering from depression and anxiety. She takes medication for this and wants others that are struggling to know it is ok to talk about it. She has been attending a grief counseling group, (well at least when the frozen tundra has been safe enough to go out in lol) She wakes up every morning and puts one foot in front of the other …. just like so many other people in the world, all for different reasons.She had surgery last week, and in her week recovery time at home she spent too much time watching headlines of the news. Sheri had to remind herself over and over that God is in control. She has turned the TV off .. she is determined to survive the aftermath of caregiving. She is going to refocus on living one day at a time and doing her best to live in Gods Word, the Comforter of all stress, depression and anxiety.
Sheri needs to Pause, Praise and Pray.

Living in the shadow of Alzheimers

One more day. Sheri knows every day is a blessing, but she will be really glad when 2018 comes to close.
Sheri needs to Pause, Praise and Pray.

Living in the Shadow of Alzheimers

If ever there was a season that holds the emotions too near
It's the season of "holy jolly," the season of Christmas cheer.

Yet I am one among many, for whom the season is confettied with tears
The pain and the strife of everyday life has  many left deep wounds through the year.

Yet we all have so much in common, we share pain we share hope and despair
We are in fact "going through the motions", it is just hidden in "Happy New Year".

Sheri woke up feeling shamefully self absorbed this morning. She is realizing that many things have happened to people she cares about over the past few years. She has been so self absorbed in her own struggles, she has not been there for others in need. On this journey we call life the only thing that matters is following God's word and caring for one another. Money can't replace that, prestige can't replace that, nor can this material world we live in. Caring for one another and sharing life's inevitable ups and downs to make this life journey a little easier is our purpose. Sheri needs to pause, praise and pray.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri is trying to find herself. It has been many years since she had time to look deep inside and face the sins of her past and the true desires of her heart. She is trying to understand her path, not only where she has been... but where she is going.
God is good.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end chapter 28

For whatever reason "the boys" would not let go, and that place between life and death lingered on. Sheri and the girls stole the mattress from Bobs old bed and placed it on the floor next to the hospital bed that guarded Bobs lifeless body. Sheri rested on the floor next to him.  The low chest rattle of Bob's breathing was both a comfort that he was still with her, yet prevented her from sleeping for fear she would miss his final breath. Hospice was amazed he was holding on so much longer than expected, his physical appearance had deteriorated well beyond a point that human eyes should see.
but one thing it did confirm for Sheri, was that this body we are in, this shell, is only whats protects our souls while we are on this earth, it does not define who we are.

Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God Who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7).
 

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 27

As the days dwindled down, Sheri and the girls watched Bob's earthly body deteriorate, and everyday was one step closer to total healing for "the boys". One day, in one very quick moment, Sheri was sure she saw Bob make eye contact with her. She saw the only eye that was slightly open, follow hers as she spoke to him comforting him, loving him, reassuring him. In that moment she knew Bob was close to being whole.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18

17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end chapter 25

Bob and "Al" were in a shared room, and because both of her daughters and their husbands were there constantly, they allowed Bob and "Al" to move to another room they needed privacy desperately. The faculty only had one other room available, they were using half of the room for storage of new kitchen cabinets stacked double high that were to be installed next week. The smell of fresh wood, stain and cardboard permeated the room. Has they have done so many times before on this very long journey, Sheri and the girls had tearful giggles knowing that Bob, the fix anything, build any thing man was right at home, these were smells that Bob would not have found offensive, as Bob the man who managed a hardware store and mixed paint all day, was very familiar with. The irony of the situation brought more laughter, that was really grief running down their faces.

Revelation 21:4 “And God will wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there will be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”

Living with Bob and "Al"

 The beginning of the end chapter 24
Sheri was overwhelmed, scrambling to make funeral arrangements.She had know idea how expensive a funeral was.  All in for casket burial $12,000.00 dollars with the least expensive casket. One funeral director  (who could tell Sheri was trying to be practical ) told Sheri to come to come back after he passed. Sheri felt like he thought she would by a more expensive casket in her grief.
At any rate, Bob had lost the ability to swallow and the expected date went from 10 days to 2 or three in the blink of an eye. 

2 Corinthians 4:16

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.

Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end Chapter 21

When the boys began hospice they started  Bob and "Al" on morphine. They were finding it hard to get the right dosage to keep "them calm". So as Bob could no longer swallow, his eyes closed all the time, and his morphine not quite high enough, it appeared to Sheri that "they" were hungry and thirsty, because anything that came by Bob's mouth "Al" tried to put in Bob's mouth. There is a vision stuck in Sheri's head, haunting her daily, "Al" put Bob's fingers in his mouth and began to suck them.
What a wretched, wretched disease.
Isaiah 40:29 He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri has been taking a little break from recounting the beginning of the end with Bob and "Al". Although she believes it is really helping her to go through this process Sheri believes she is experiencing something that she likens to PTSD. So she did what she does to help with her stress, she got out very early before work with her camera. The fog was beautiful.. and quite appropriate for Sheri's state of mind.
Isaiah 41:10
 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

 

Living without Bob and "Al"

Sheri feels like a fish out of water.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri has been observing herself again. She is realizing this part of the journey is quite different than some others in regards to the death of a spouse. Bob had not been living with Sheri for a year and 4 months. Coming home alone from the memorial service and each day since has not had the feeling of coming home to an empty house because her house has been empty already for long time. She has already done the "remove items belonging to him process." Some might think this might make it easier... Sheri thinks not. She has been grieving the loss of Bob for a very long time, the only difference is now "Al" is gone too, he was her coping mechanism. Sheri has no distraction from her grief. Everyone says it will take time, she knows that is true, but right now time is standing still.
Sheri needs to pause, praise and pray.