Living with Bob and "Al"

The beginning of the end chapter 19

Hospice evaluated  "the boys". At first evaluation they thought "they" were in pretty rough shape, Sheri reminded them that he was still under a tremendous amount of drugs. Hospice agreed to reevaluate the next day. When they came back the next day they were surprised to see the "the boys" a little more alert and trying to swallow while being fed. The head hospice nurse said was glad to see him rebound a little. She thought it could be 3-6 months, and explained that everyone is different.
Sheri took a deep breath.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sometimes Sheri sits and studies Bob's face
Now only hoping for peace and for grace.

She studies his eyes, once alert and alive
Now only glassy and closed most of the time.

She studies his jawline, once chiseled and strong
Now only hangs low, Lord this is so wrong

She studies his hands, once callused and rough
Now only thin and soft to the touch

She studies his movements once precise with his saw
Now only erratic... Sheri feels raw.

Sometimes Sheri sits and studies Bob's face
Now only hoping for peace and for grace.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Dear friends, this life we have on this earth is so very short, and our Alzheimer burdens are many and very heavy.  Sheri wants to tell you though, if you wake up and hear the birds singing, God has blessed you greatly...cast your cares upon Him.

1Peter 5:7
Cast all your cares upon Him, for he cares for you.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri wonders what "Bob" would say, if his words were all his own.
Would he say "Sheri when you leave the room... I feel all alone".

Would he say " I am sorry, for the things I piled around"
I am sorry for the things I lost, like the gift you never found"

Would he say "thank you', for taking care of the family
Would he say "your eyes look tired', and wipe the tears he see's?

Would he know that open arms, are an invitation to hold her tight
Would he know she needs him in the darkest part of night.

Would he say he loves her like the day that they were wed
Would one look be enough to feel the love even with words unsaid

Sheri wonders what would Bob say if his words were all his own
But Bob's voice is a whisper...and Sheri feels... alone.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri had a light bulb go off in her head early this morning. She realized that she has a certain amount of guilt about wanting to enjoy even the tiniest part of life, without Bob by her side. Almost like she feels she has no right to do so, knowing that "Al" is not allowing Bob to do the same. She does not need to hear that Bob would want her to enjoy her life, she knows that, but feelings are just that... feelings.
Sheri promised she would be honest on this new part of her journey so there you have it.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri met Bob's case worker at his new home yesterday for their annual meeting. Bob looked up at  Sheri and "Al" looked back down at the coloring page he was working on with no acknowledgment of any type.  "Well" God whispered to her "It is hard I know... but he safe and content, and you should be safe in MY arms and content in your life."

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri has some catching up to do on health stuff. Tackled part one of the dentist last evening. One down... so many more to go :(

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri went to see "the boy's" this weekend. She is very glad to see "they " are doing well, but she does not understand this complex feeling of grief. She is so very glad Bob is happy in his new home, and yet Sheri still feels like a fish out of water. :(

Living with Bob and "Al"

When Sheri brought the puppy to visit Bob and "Al" she was holding Cooper and ask Bob if he wanted to pet the puppy. Bob had a huge smile on his face as "Al" began petting... Sheri. :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri has been suffering with depression and anxiety for several years, and now this major life transition, Sheri's doctor thought a companion dog might help her feeling of overwhelming loneliness and despair, something to "care for". She just went to "look" and came home with "Lord Cooper". He will make a great therapy dog for the residents at the care faculty, and for Sheri. Oh he makes Sheri's heart smile. :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Coloring has become a favorite past time for Bob. However Sheri realized a little to late that she should have invested in the washable kind because "Al's creativity has included her tablecloth, her ottoman and even a few duplo blocks.
Heavy sigh...

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri took "the boy's" to Walmart to get a few things. Now that "Al" is not stable enough to walk any real distance,  Sheri has adjusted her shopping style so that she can use the wheelchair with the basket attached, this gives her limited room for grocery's but works as a great "get only what you really need right now"  tool (see ... always a bright side lol). Anyway she has been doing this for quite some time but this time "Al" just could not figure out how to sit down. Sheri found herself trying to help Bob bend at the waist but "Al" just could not figure it out. Sheri looked around and realized they were blocking access to all the carts and was growing more and more frustrated. A nice man saw her struggle and tried to help... 15 minutes later they had "the boys" in the wheelchair, but  Sheri was too exhausted to get much shopping done.  Heavy sigh..... :(

Living with Bob and "Al"

So many significant changes this past year. Bob used to love singing to the player piano, one of the few things Bob really truly enjoyed. This year the noise and the commotion had him heading for the door. Daughters Number One and Two coaxed and coaxed him and eventually he participated, as long as his hands were kept busy. 

Living with Bob and "Al"

Pictures can be so deceiving, but one thing is true "Al" smiles (ok a half smile) much more often then Bob ever did, so Sheri will take this one at face value. 

One moment at time pause , praise, pray.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri had learned the hard way that if she was out and about with "the boys", to find a family restroom for "Al". She has, on more than one occasion had to ask a stranger to see if they can guide "Al" out of the restroom. Now however it appears even in a family/handicap restroom, finding the way out is causing "Al" much distress. After what Sheri thought was a very long trip in the bathroom she finally opened the door to find "Al" standing there with is arms crossed in front of him. Sheri said are you ok? To which "Al" replied with frustration in his voice "I couldn't find you."
Sheri hates this disease.

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri thinks Bob is adjusting pretty well to the new place. Sheri senses that "Al" believes he is at "work" ( code for Adult Day Center) even when he is home, but that is ok. Sheri just has to roll with the flow, but she does occasionally wish she a time clock to punch out on :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

When Sheri picked Bob and "Al" up from "work" (code for Adult Day Center) yesterday, Sheri got Bob buckled in and then he looked out the window and said "Is that your car over there?"  Sheri replied "No... we are in our car." To which"Al"  replied " So you are sure that is not it?"
Heavy sigh :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

Daughter Number One (the one who wears her heart on her sleeve)  was so very helpful this weekend and took Bob and "Al" for several hours so Sheri could recharge. Sheri has come to realize that she uses work as an escape from her reality, and when work is in turmoil, her mind  has no resting place so dealing with "Al" is much more difficult. Thank you Daughter Number One you are a blessing indeed.

Matthew 11:28-29 “…Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” 

Living with Bob and "Al"

Sheri did not get much sleep last night. She is wondering if she can convince Bob to explain to "Al" that the recipe for Usingers bratwurst is not available, and that he certainly won't find it roaming the house in the middle of the night :(

Living with Bob and "Al"

There was a time not very long ago when Bob and even "Al" would have recognized these as being a child's toy. Much like the pipe cleaners and beads, that time has passed and "Al" is excited to be working with hardware stuff again. Learning to meet "them" where they are,  is an important part of helping them feel confident about who they are and what they can accomplish. :)