This blog is about life with my husband who was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer's and Frontal Lobe Dementia in 2008. He was 64 at the time although now, knowing more about the disease, Alzheimer's was present many, many years ago, which is why early detection is so important. As you read the blog the character"Al" that I created in 2008 represents the way that Alzheimer's is invading our daily lives.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Living with Bob and "Al"

This is very sad to admit, but Sheri is envious of other Alzheimer spouses that had deep meaningful relationships with their spouses before the disease took over, at least they can look back and cherish a life time of moments. In Sheri's case that is not true, things changed very quickly after her two beautiful daughters were born. Bob was 45 when they married (his first) Sheri 31 ( her second), Sheri does not know why, whether early signs of Bob's disease or the stress of  the new family. Sheri and Bob were never able to nurture their relationship to make it a deep and rich marriage. Sheri is not placing blame here... they had just grown apart quickly. She had set a goal that if  they were not able to find their way back to the marriage by the time the girls graduated high school she would work towards a divorce.She did not want her children growing up without their father in their lives.Years later she sought counsel with her Pastor. At that point the girls were about 3 years from graduating. And then the diagnosis came. So Sheri had not lost her husband only since his diagnosis, she had been fighting this battle for most of their marriage. The diagnosis just meant  there was no way back.

7 comments:

  1. Sheri, have you read, "Jan's Story" by Barry Petersen? When I read it, I was annoyed at Barry for needing another relationship while Jan was still living. Now that I am in the same situation, I can understand exactly how he must have felt. The loneliness is indescribable.

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    1. No I haven't, I just can't bring myself to read it.

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  2. How tragically sad for you. Here is a link to an interview by the author mentioned by the previous poster.

    http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-3445_162-6600364/jans-story-love-and-early-onset-alzheimers/

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  3. How tragically sad for you. Here is a link to a video of the author mentioned by the previous poster.

    http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-3445_162-6600364/jans-story-love-and-early-onset-alzheimers/

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  4. Sheri- I married my DH 10 years ago, and then after one year, we separated for 5 years - his doing, not mine. We also have not had the opportunity to build a long term relationship. He was diagnosed over 2 years ago- it has taken me a very long time to understand that probably "our" problems were in fact, the beginnings of the disease process. I totally empathize with your situation- your last two sentances says it all.

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  5. Bob was diagnosed almost 6 years ago now. Looking back I am confident he was in the disease not long after we married in March 1989, girls were born the summer of 1990 and 1992. Feels like a life time ago.

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  6. I can relate to these comments. We married 16 yrs ago and in the begging things were good. I was on the verge of divorcing him when my husband was diagnosed. He's still in early stages of AD and our relationship is better than it was - at least friendlier. When I retire he wants us to move to live near his daughter and I want to move to be near my son (just like the location better) so we may separate at that point but I hate that his daughter who has a young child will have to become his caregiver. Not sure what we'll do.

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