Living in the Shadow of Alzheimer's

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-02-11T07:32:00.000-06:00

Last night Bob was sitting next to Sheri looking at some pictures on the computer. Sheri came across the one that was taken of the two of them at Bob's choir concert about 2 weeks ago. Bob turns to Sheri and says "that's a nice picture, I have never seen that one before... when was that taken? " Sheri responded " at your wonderful choir concert." "Al" replies " No, you were not at my choir concert." :(

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-02-10T06:03:00.000-06:00

Bob was the hardware guy in his last career, he could fix anything build anything. In the new cozy little house Sheri rented, Bob is trying to get the heat to kick on. The furnace is down in a crawlspace under the kitchen . "Al" however has his ear up against the thermostat in the living room. :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-02-09T21:04:00.000-06:00

Sheri went to a beautiful memorial service for her dear friends husband today. The word Alzheimer's was used more than a few times in the service. Even though Sheri tried to keep it together emotionally, every time the word was said Sheri cringed. Alzheimer's disease is no less of a robber, just because the victim was much older than Bob and "Al". The disease is a thief of life, it robbed the world of a beautiful, God filled, servant filled, life.

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-02-09T06:07:00.001-06:00

Well labeling Bob and "Al's" toothbrush is not helping... Sheri went in to brush her teeth and her brush is already wet... ick.

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-02-08T05:57:00.001-06:00

Sheri has a dear friend from her small group bible study. Her husband passed away late last week, from Alzheimer's. Sheri is not sure if it is because she knows this is the way it will ultimately end for Bob or "Al", or if it is just recognizing in general that in this journey we are on, this thing called life, we really are all caretakers in one way or another. The only thing that really matters in Sheri's opinion is if she found a way to reach in to another persons life, in some small way. To see the pain that even the most pompous of others are going through and touch them through kindness.
Sheri's heart hurts.

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-02-07T06:09:00.001-06:00

Sheri is noticing that Bob and "Al" can not do more than one thing at time. Sheri is not talking about complex tasks they are things we do without thinking. Bob was trying to take off his coat last night after bible study. He got one sleeve off, but he could not get the second one off because he had the bible in his hand. Sheri tried to help by taking the bible for him, but his brain could not even signal to release his hand that was holding the book, while he was trying to remove is coat. Such subtle changes.
Sheri hates this disease.

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-02-06T06:06:00.000-06:00

Bob was washing dishes last night, Sheri walked into the kitchen just in time to see "Al" pouring Mop and Glow onto the dish rag... Oh my! :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-02-05T08:06:00.000-06:00

Well Sheri did it! She managed to get Bob and "Al" down town to the museum yesterday in one piece. Bob had a great time enjoying the exhibits. Of course the reason she chose this museum was because Bob and "Al" had been there with "work" (code for adult day center) recently and Bob could not stop talking about it. So naturally, when they got to the museum "Al" had no recollection of having just been there... but even though that frustrated Sheri a bit, she decided it was okay because that just gives them someplace to go back to since he won't remember anyway. Plus the museum is free!

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."
Psalm 34:18 ESV

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-02-04T06:40:00.001-06:00

Last weekend Sheri attempted to take Bob and "Al" to an art museum, which did not go well. After telling her adventurous tale to a few folks, Sheri learned there is a difference between the Minneapolis Art Institute and the Minneapolis Institute of Art which is why she could not find it..the first one is a school! So Sheri just might get out of her comfort zone again today and see if she can accomplish the goal... but she is going tho watch more carefully for the one way street signs. and try to give "Al" something to do in the car :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-02-03T05:57:00.001-06:00

Sheri got to see Bob in his own element yesterday at "work" (code for Adult Day Center). The choir had a concert and Sheri made it a point to go. She had to miss the the first one in December. Bob was very proud to be a part of this, he was grinning from ear to ear something Sher rarely sees. Sheri watched him intently and video taped as much as she could on her phone. "Al" sang with the "ladies only" part a few times and Sheri could tell when he was lost on where they were in the music, but Sheri realized that Bob and "Al" are happy, and that Bob really does feel like he belongs with these people...
Thank you Open Circle Staff Sheri thinks you guys are great!

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-02-02T06:10:00.000-06:00

Bob is frustrated that the light bulb in the lamp by the side of his bed is blown again. Sheri has told Bob that it is controlled by the switch on the wall, but he insists the light bulb is blown out, so every day, several times a day "Al" changes out the light bulb. Now, Sheri is just putting the one he takes out ...back in the box :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-02-01T06:17:00.000-06:00

Bob went to a Russian Museum yesterday with "work" (code for Adult Day Center). He loved it, and "Al" new exactly what was on exhibit and how to get around the place. He said he had been there many times in the last 10 years. Sheri just chuckled to herself because she has been with Bob for the last 22 years in this frozen tundra of a state, and a museum is the last place Bob would have been. :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-31T05:45:00.001-06:00

Sheri is wondering if apathy is the one of the first signs of Alzheimer's. She married Bob when he was 45, it was his first marriage. Apathy was one of the first things she noticed. He never smiled or made small talk, not even back then. So much so , she remembers him literally tossing a yellow rose on her desk in the stockroom at Montgomery Ward in Texas and walking away. Sheri is wondering now if this may have been a very young "Al" showing Sheri he liked her.

Livng with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-30T05:43:00.001-06:00

Sheri is realizing that Bob is struggling more and more with the concept of time. When getting ready for "work" (code for Adult Day Center) in the morning, "Al" will put his coat and gloves on and stand at the door 45 minutes or so before it is time to go. Sometimes the changes with this disease are so subtle you hardly even notice them . Darn that Alzheimer's.....

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-29T07:39:00.001-06:00

Well, Sheri and Bob had quite the adventure yesterday. Sheri decided to venture downtown to an art museum. Sheri has never enjoyed driving but she has been trying to get outside of her comfort zone so she can do more things with Bob and "Al". She thought she understood the directions, her phone has one of those map gadgets on it, so off they went. Oh my what a disaster this turned out to be. "Al" was reading every sign at every exit, every marker, every everything! It was making Sheri crazy. Bob would read a sign (one saying that an exit was coming up) and then "Al" would say "but I thought we were on 494" Sheri would reply "We are that is a sign for an exit coming up", then he would look across the freeway and see another sign... "I think we are suppose to be over there". All Sheri can say is was a nightmare trip. Not to mention they never found the museum. Sheri called off the search after she turned down the wrong way on a one way street. She retreated to her comfort zone, headed for home.It turned out okay though because at the last minute before going home Sheri remembered they still had a pass to the Minnesota Arboretum (which is 10 minutes down the road from their home, and a straight shot with 2 turns) so off they went. It turned out to be a great day and Sheri got to take some pictures, a new found hobby of hers, Sheri thinks they may have to just stick closer to home. :)

Livng with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-28T07:06:00.002-06:00

Sheri was driving Bob to "work" ( code for Adult Day Center) yesterday morning. It was 7:30 am . There were the most beautiful colors in the sky. Trying to make conversation Sheri says to Bob "Wow, look at that beautiful sunrise". "Al" replies "Yes the colors are beautiful... but wait, how do you know if it is a sunrise... or a sunset?" :(

Living with Bob and 'Al"

2012-01-27T06:34:00.000-06:00

Sheri has to remember that Bob is still here. She has a friend that lost his father a few days ago. He talks deeply about wanting to see his father's face again. Sheri needs to meditate and pray about that. Even thought Bob and "Al" are sharing space, Sheri can still look in to Bob's deep set brown eyes and see the reflection of the man he was. Sheri should be more grateful.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-26T06:24:00.001-06:00

Bob keeps telling Sheri that he is surprised the cat doesn't knock over the plates in the china cabinet. The first couple of time he said it Sheri was not really paying attention. This morning he said it again, seeming very distressed about the situation. Sheri said "'Bob the cat can't get in there are glass doors in front of the shelves. "Al" replies " well the bottom shelf is doesn't have any glass, so she is going to get right in there and knock them over." Sheri got up and tapped on the glass to show him the glass is there, then she realized that from Bob's favorite chair he can not see the reflection of the glass down by the last shelf. Bob's Alzheimer mind then decided there must not be glass there. Not giving any rational to the fact that the glass would have to stop in the middle of nowhere on the glass door to the china cabinet. Sheri thinks it is so sad the Bob is trapped in "Al's" confused mind. Sheri hates this disease.

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-25T05:57:00.001-06:00

Bob commented yesterday on the ladies at "work" (code for Adult Day Center), they all love when he goes to sing at the piano, but he still does not understand why everyday, several times a day, they mention again how tall he is (Bob is 6'4). "Al" said "Why do they keep saying that, because I certainly am not going to get any shorter!" :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-24T05:31:00.000-06:00

Sheri is thinking back to when she first met Bob at Montgomery Wards in Texas. He was working at Sheri's store on a six week remodeling job. He was the general contractor so to speak. There were many times Sheri saw him bent over complicated blueprints and barking orders at employees. "We have to clear 5000 sq. feet a day of this merchandise if we are going be done on time, I have not missed a deadline yet, so if happens heads will roll...and it won't be mine!" ( Needless to say he was not the most well liked guy on the block.) The incredible planning it took to get the 10th largest Wards store in the nation, completely rehabbed in 6 weeks was really unbelievable. But then yesterday Sheri gave the clock to test to "Al" and he could not even put the dots for the letters down. Alzheimer's is a disease that robs you of your self. A thief that leaves your memories for someone else to remember.

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-23T05:27:00.001-06:00

Sheri may have to ban bagels from her house permanently. Sheri stopped buying them about 4 months ago because of Bob's shall we say over use of them. She bought them for the first time last week and "Al" fell right back into eating three or so at a time, and that was after having eaten dinner 30 minutes before the bagels. :(

Livng with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-22T08:14:00.000-06:00

Sheri did it, yesterday she climbed upon that mechanical walking gadget and for 30 minutes separated her thoughts from life. This morning of course, her knees are aching and she is trying to convince herself it will be worth it.

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-21T15:42:00.000-06:00

Sheri made a silly mistake today. Bob has always made brownies, the boxed kind. Bob made some today... simple box mix . 2 eggs 1/4 cup of water 2/3 cup oil and mix. Only Sheri is not sure what "Al" did it was more like a cake batter... so Sheri thought " It's okay, it will be salvageable" Nope, what ever "Al" did it is way to soupy. Chocolate soup anyone? I know maybe "Al" will want to dip some potato wedges in it like at New Years. :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-21T06:39:00.000-06:00

Sheri is fascinated by the fact that sometimes Bob can articulate the problems he sees in his demented friends at "work" without any insight to the reality that he is in fact behaving the exact same way.

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-20T21:44:00.000-06:00

Well this is a first, Bob is sleeping but "Al" is whistling?

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-20T05:34:00.000-06:00

Bob came home from "work" ( code for Adult Day Center) yesterday, sporting a new hair cut. "Al" was so excited, he said they were giving free hair cuts to all the staff members... :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-19T11:39:00.000-06:00

Bob is frustrated that he can't find his comb, because "Al" is looking in the kitchen cupboards. :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-19T06:04:00.000-06:00

Yesterday daughter number one ( the one that wears her heart on her sleeve) and daughter number two ( the one who shields her heart with her sleeve ), were trying to let Bob help them fix the bookcases in the hallway. Since they moved to their cozy little house, the shelves have not been in right so the books keep falling. The family has a lot of books, books Sheri kept from when the girls were young. So the girls were trying to separate the books, religious books, self improvement , and children's etc. The process did not go well... "Al" was obsessed with putting the children's books down low so the "children" could reach them. The "children" are 21 and 19 now. :)

Living wih Bob and "Al"

2012-01-18T05:50:00.000-06:00

Yesterday Bob was in the middle of a sentence and "Al" started whistling, Sheri asked Bob what he was going to say and "Al" responded with a puzzled look on his face and said "I wasn't talking." :)
Oy vey....

Living wih Bob and "Al"

2012-01-17T06:31:00.000-06:00

Sheri and Bob were watching Cupcake Wars on TV. "Al" says to Sheri "Who in their right mind would fight with cupcakes?"
Oh my...

Living with Bob and Al

2012-01-16T06:03:00.000-06:00

Sheri is thankful for daughter number one ( the one who wears her heart on her sleeve) and daughter number two (the one who shields her heart with her sleeve) they have grown to understand their mother's need to get out in the real world every once in a while. Daughter number one stayed home with Bob and Al on Saturday night, so that Sheri and daughter number two to could go to Sheri's new company holiday party. It was wonderful to get all dressed up and have fun. Daughter number two even coaxed Sheri out on the dance floor. Sheri had a great time, and she could not have done with out either one of them. Sheri is very blessed.

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-15T14:44:00.000-06:00

Well Bob is definitely back in the hanging and labeling things mind set for "Al".....

Although there are somethings Sheri
would rather not know. :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-14T10:00:00.000-06:00

Bob has a very unique cane that Sheri bought him several years ago. It suits his personality well, it looks like a saw. Sheri used a wood burning tool to put his initials on it when he went into the nursing home so everyone would know who it belonged to. There is a hook by the door at the house now for Bob to hang his cane so "they" don't spend hours looking for it in morning. "Al" however had a different location in mind... :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-13T06:10:00.000-06:00

Sheri has never seen this happen before, a sign of things to come. Bob was putting on his winter coat .... or trying at least. Bob would attempt to put it on, but "Al" would stop him by questioning silently if he was doing it right. "They" would start, stop, start , stop, turning the coat every which direction. At one point Bob stopped held the coat way out in front of him, turned to Sheri and said "something is wrong here." Sheri waited patiently, eventually except for a few mismatched buttons Bob was ready to go. Such subtle changes.

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-12T06:24:00.000-06:00

In Bob's past there was never an item he could not fix. He knew everything about everything. People would stop Sheri and Bob in the store and say "aren't you the Bob from the hardware store? you helped me fix my blah, blah, blah." Some times the people would stop and ask him questions even when Sheri and Bob were at the grocery store. That is probably why it is so hard for Sheri to see "Al" yesterday standing over the toilet scratching Bob's head, while the toilet keeps making that running sound every few minutes. :(

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-11T07:01:00.000-06:00

Sheri had quite the surprise this morning while drinking her coffee with Bob. A true reminder that none of this is Bob's fault. Bob leaned back stretching out his back in his familiar way, one hand on his hip, and said in his totally non- emotional, flatten affect way " I don't know if I ever said thank you for all the trouble I have caused you" no sign of expression on his face. Although his face was empty, Sheri new his heart was not. Sheri had tears come to her eyes, this time she did not try to catch them with her sleeve, she just turned her head and let them overflow.

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-10T06:15:00.001-06:00

After the trip to the emergency room with Bob and "Al", Sheri is going to ramp up her decision to take better care of herself. Daughter number one ( the one who wears her heart on her sleeve) and daughter number two ( the one who shields her heart with her sleeve) were good enough to lug the big old treadmill into Sheri and Bob's bedroom for her. It has worked for Sheri in the past.(distant past, but past) This way she doesn't have go to a gym or outside in the not so frozen tundra (at least at the moment). Maybe Bob and "Al" can watch their favorite DVD or something while she exercises. Sheri realizes if she does not stay healthy, who will answer all the questions for Bob and "Al" at the doctors?

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-09T14:30:00.000-06:00

Well Sheri is relieved to know that his doctor does not believe it is Bob's heart that is in distress.... they are not quite sure what it is, could be coming from his upper back around to the front, or any number of other muscular skeleton type problems. Bob has been so rough on his body over the years, I think it is just catching up with "Al". Sheri is just relieved it not more serious, and of course Sheri can find humor in almost everything... at the emergency room yesterday Bob could see a machine from is bed that was for getting water and ice cubes. "Al" was delighted they had an ice cream machine at the hospital, and was disappointed Sheri would not ask the nurse to get him some. :) Gotta love him.

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-08T15:38:00.000-06:00

Urgent care yesterday, emergency room today. Bob is having very sharp pains under his left arm around to his rib cage, doubling him over in pain. No injured ribs, nothing showing on the ex-rays, blood work for blood clot related stuff not showing anything, does not seem to be movement related, eek. Sheri needs to get him in to see his regular doctor asap. "Al" has lost his patience will all the medical stuff already. and Sheri does not think the ride is over yet... :(

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-08T10:00:00.000-06:00

Trips to urgent care with an Alzheimer patient never goes well... regular doctors just don't seem to get how Alzheimer's works. Yes, Sheri needs to answer every question for Bob..there is no other way of doing it.

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-07T06:43:00.000-06:00

Sheri had a rough evening with Bob. Random sharp pains seemingly coming out of nowhere. When Bob's pain goes up communication with "Al" goes down...making it very hard for Sheri to understand what is happening. Sheri is hoping things will be better when "they" get up this morning.

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-06T06:41:00.000-06:00

Sheri decided to watch how they deal with Bob and "Al" at the Day Center. Sheri learned by watching one of the staff members, that if she walks up along side of Bob and "Al" and puts her arm around his waist, Bob will reach back and pat her on the back, in a kind of half way hug. It is a stiff as a board type hug, but it worked. Kinda sorta....Sheri will take anything she can get. :)
Thank you Open Circle!

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-05T06:27:00.000-06:00

Sheri remembers riding in the car with Bob for hours at a time, in complete silence. Sheri would ask Bob a question, he would answer and then back to silence. This drove Sheri crazy. The neurologist that did his exam years later , explained that if you ask Bob a question he can answer it, if Bob has something to say he can say it, but what Bob and "Al" can't do is go into their head and pull out something to start a random conversation. Hence the reason that as Sheri types this Bob an "Al" are sitting 5 feet from her and it is dead silent... as it has been for the last 45 minutes of today, and last 10-15 years of her life.

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-04T06:32:00.001-06:00

Sheri thinks that "Al" might be starting to speak what is on Bob's mind. Yesterday while watching a TV show where a girl was dressed inappropriately, "Al" said sternly "I think that is what is called slutty". Sheri ans daughter number 2 (the one who shields her heart with her sleeve) were shocked. Bob has never used terminology like that, to much of a gentleman. :)

Living with Bob and Al

2012-01-03T06:37:00.000-06:00

Bob is looking for the garbage bags, "Al" is looking in the refrigerator. :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

2012-01-02T07:21:00.000-06:00

For New Years Day Sheri decided to have some fun and make a fondue, she made a cheese fondue and a chocolate fondue . She had strawberry's, bananas and apples for the chocolate and bread and roasted potatoes for the cheese. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves Bob included. Then Sheri noticed that "Al" was dipping the roasted potatoes in the ...chocolate. Sheri said to Bob "wait, that is a potato you are dipping in the chocolate" "Yep I know" he replied."Just though I would try it." "It is really good."
Sheri chuckled to herself because she always had joked that she could probably get Bob to eat anything, if it was covered in chocolate, apparently "Al" has the same sweet tooth. :)

Living with Bob and Al

2012-01-01T17:58:00.001-06:00

Sheri does not make resolutions, they set her up for failure. But she has decided to take better care of herself this year, both physically and emotionally. Daughter number one ( the one who wears her heart on her sleeve) and daughter number two ( the one who shields her heart with her sleeve) have both expressed great concern for her health. Wow, her girls have grown into strong women. She really needs to take their advice and find a way to enjoy life. Sheri thinks she will do just that...not sure how quite yet... but she is going to give it her best shot. :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-31T20:21:00.000-06:00

Well it is New Years Eve. Sheri thought maybe she could take Bob and "Al" to the movies..always a treat. But of course "Al" forgot... put on his PJ's and went to bed...at 7:00pm.
At 54 Sheri is leading the life an 90 year old. Oh well, Happy New Year to all!

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-31T13:46:00.000-06:00

Year in Review
Sheri is very happy and willing to have this year of 2011 come to an end.
1.In January Bob ruptured a disk in his back., for about the 4th time.
2,February spent with multiple procedures to lessen extreme pain, without surgery.
3.Bob and Al spent March and half of April in a nursing home, undergoing physical therapy.
4.Mid April Bob and Al release to daycare, doctors decided he can not be left alone any more so daycare was the only option to avoid him continually injuring himself.
5. May Sheri decides she is in overwhelm and that they would be better off in Texas closer to her parents, weather better, no snow no boiler to deal with.
Sheri gives notice to job of 22 years in anticipation of the move.
Sheri has to let the house go to beginning of the foreclosure prosess and has to file bankruptcy.
6.June Sheri begins the process of packing the house for Texas.
7.July still packing and sorting, packing in sorting, packing and sorting,
8.Beginning of August Sheri finds out benefits for Bob and Al will not be the same in TX, and daughter number 2's ( the one that shields her heart with her sleeve) 4 year college scholarship is partially based on being a MN resident EEK.
Sheri, within a week of moving, began to have doubts about her decision and after much prayer decides too much is at risk, and stops the move. Stops the move with no home no job.Only faith.
9.Most of August and September Sheri spends job and home searching, relying on Gods promises.
10.October Sheri beings to panic, the sheriff sale of her home is November 21. October 25th, God gives Sheri a home and a job all in the same week. An unbelievable answer to prayer.
11.November week one starts her new job and week 2 through the grace of God and help from friends at church gets moved to a new home.
12.December the family is mostly settled, very, very thankful and so very ready to be done with 2011!
Having to make all the decisions, as an Alzheimer spouse is very, very difficult, Sheri can not believe she and the family survived this year!

Sheri is wishing everyone a very blessed new year! God is good!

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-31T07:00:00.000-06:00

The small house Sheri rented, is cozy, there is not anything that Bob can take apart, so that is working out well. But Sheri is back to her endless pursuit of something for "Al" to do....they may be back to making pushpins again, but Sheri still has 500 or so stored in the garage, eek.

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-30T06:16:00.000-06:00

Sheri has been trying to play more mind stimulating games with Bob. Word find , scrabble tile type games on the computer.( Sheri operating the computer of course, "Al" can not even operate the TV remote any more) This disease is so hard to understand, within seconds of saying a word, "Al", will ( with all the best intentions) guess the same word, again and again and yet again. Sheri hates this disease...

Livng with Bob and Al

2011-12-29T06:44:00.000-06:00

Bob has been having difficultly reading his watch. So Sheri got him a new one, bigger face, bigger numbers. Now however, "Al" is wearing two watches. Sheri thinks she is gonna have to help "Al" lose the old one! :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-28T06:30:00.003-06:00

Overall Sheri, Bob and Al had a very good Christmas and Hanukkah. Time with daughter number 1(the one that wears her heart on her sleeve) and daughter number 2 (the one that shields her heart with her sleeve) was very enjoyable. Bob returned to "work" yesterday.(Code for Adult Day Center). He is pretty sure he will be taking over while his boss Stu is on vacation. :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-25T20:22:00.000-06:00

Sheri wonders what "Bob" would say, if his voice was all his own.
Would he say "Sheri when you leave the room... I feel all alone".
Would he say " I am sorry, for the things I pile around"
I am sorry for the things I lose, like the gift you never found"
Would he say "thank you', for taking care of the family
Would he say "your eyes look tired', and wipe the tears he see's?
Would he know that open arms, are an invitation to hold her tight
Would he know she needs him in the darkest part of night.
Would he say he loves her like the day that they were wed
Would one look be enough to feel the love even with words unsaid
Sheri wonders what would Bob say if his voice was all his own
But Bob's voice is a whisper...and Sheri feels... alone.

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-25T09:00:00.002-06:00

Life is not ever
what it appears to be
Church once a week-
and family pictures deceive

The surface looks good
The hugs and the smiles
But the eyes tell the truth
The sorrows the trials

The eyes tell the stories
know one wants you to know
the eyes take you places
no one wants you to go

So don't be surprised
if Sheri just looks away
When shes smiles and tells you
"We're doing fine today."

Jeremiah 29:11 TLB
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-23T06:20:00.000-06:00

Bob has never been one to show any emotion, this has just been exemplified by his disease. Sheri walked toward Bob with arms open wide to give him a hug, "Al" just moved out of the way.
This is a very lonely disease, as an Alzheimer spouse.

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-22T06:22:00.002-06:00

If ever there were a season
that holds the emotions too near
it is the season of holly jolly
the season of Christmas cheer

Yet I am one among many
for whom the season is confettied with tears
the pain and the strife of everyday life
has left many deep wounds through the year..

Yet we all have so much in common
we share pain, we share hope, and despair
We are in fact, "goin' through the motions"
It is just hidden in "Happy New Year".....

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-20T06:23:00.000-06:00

Sheri is thinking she may have to give up on finding that gift....Bob does not even know what she is talking about now...her new house is so small she can't imagine what "Al" did with it. :(

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-19T06:14:00.001-06:00

Note to self- Do not give Bob a small gift to bring to the bedroom so the girls won't see it, within 3 minutes "Al" does not know where he put it...and Sheri looked all afternoon for it and still can't find it! Sheri does not know WHAT she was thinking...

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-18T08:04:00.001-06:00

Sheri took Bob and "Al" shopping with her yesterday. Sheri was looking at a box of candy wondering if it would fit in the girls Christmas stocking. Sheri is mumbling, purposing the question to herself, (but as it turned out it was loud enough for Bob to hear) when she looks over to see "Al" leaning on the wall in the middle of Target balancing on one foot and his cane, with the other foot up in the air as far as he can get. Holding the box of candy up to his shoe. "Bob" Sheri says "What on earth are you doing?" "Al" replies, " looking to see if the box will fit in my sock.. that should be a pretty good indication it will fit in their stocking."
Oh my! :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-17T10:19:00.000-06:00

Bob and "Al" are in the choir at "work"now ( code for Adult Day Center). They had a Christmas concert on Thursday."Al' thinks he overheard his boss say that "They did so well singing they were taking the show on the road" LOL :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-16T06:38:00.000-06:00

Sheri is not getting into the hype of Christmas, that is not what it is about. She is remembering that God led her through this last year, He truly was her Savior. Now she needs to learn to focus on letting God's love for her replace the love that Bob and "Al" can not share with her. It is a problem she has struggled with most their married life. She needs to let God's love be enough. THAT, she thinks is going to continue to be the hard part...

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-15T05:44:00.000-06:00

Bob was very excited yesterday at "work" (code for adult day center) he got a new job assignment. "Al" is now responsible for sharping all the pencils in the entire store! As Bob was explaining is new job he put is thumb in his belt loop, leaned back stretching out is back in his familiar way that Sheri has seen him do for years before he says something he is very proud of and says "Yep, I am definitely the go to guy at work." :) Simple pleasures Sheri thought, simple pleasures.

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-14T06:00:00.000-06:00

Bob has been training in a new piano player at "work" (code for Adult Day Center) but as "Al" put it "some are better than others, but they all appreciate his guidance". :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-13T06:42:00.001-06:00

Sheri understands the Bob's emotional detachment is mostly due to his Frontal Lobe Dementia. But Sheri wishes that between Bob and "Al" she could get a hug now and then.

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-12T06:04:00.000-06:00

Last night Sheri and Bob were watch TV. A commercial comes on showing a woman climbing on top of a cliff.
"Al" in his usual confident way, turns to Sheri and says " You know, I don't think they have even finished Mount Rushmore yet." Sheri mumbles to herself "really, I didn't know that." :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-11T08:09:00.000-06:00

Sheri is going to "plan" to make memories this year. She is having Bob help her with making gifts for the girls. Sheri is trying to create gifts that will give the girls memories for a life time. Daughter number one ( the one who wears her heart on her sleeve) and daughter number two ( the one who shields her heart with her sleeve) are losing the memory of who their Dad was before "Al" showed up. But there are still things Sheri can do to preserve what there is left of Bob... for every tear shed, she will find a memory to tuck in her sleeve, so when her own sleeves are not big enough to catch all of their tears, maybe the pain will spill out and what will be left is memories.

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-10T08:13:00.000-06:00

Sheri has a love/hate relationship with the weekends. She loves that she gets to watch for the birds and enjoy her coffee and cat Meeko. She hates that it means that Bob and "Al" will be following her from room to room asking what the "plan" is... all day long. :(

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-09T06:06:00.000-06:00

Sheri and Bob were watching TV last night. Bob is eating pretzels. Little Meeko the cat, starts getting into the pretzel bag. Bob reaches down and moves the pretzel bag from the coffee table to the side of his chair. About five seconds later "Al" reaches to coffee table for another handful of pretzels and turns to Sheri and says "Where did the pretzels go?" Sheri replies "they are by the side of your chair." Bob response with "well, I sure didn't put them there!"
Heavy sigh... :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-08T08:27:00.003-06:00

Bob is still confused about the lady at "work" that several times a day tells him he is so tall. He told Sheri this morning that you would think once or twice would be enough! :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-07T06:27:00.001-06:00

Bob just doesn't understand why his "coworkers" don't show more initiative at "work" (code for Adult Day Center). "Al" says the same few people do all the work. So he tries to pick up the slack. :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-06T06:39:00.000-06:00

Bob has always had this strange thing about blocking out pain. He will do things that hurt him, but has no recognition, or awareness that it is hurting him. Sheri is not sure if this is part of his Frontal Lobe Dementia, his Alzheimer's or his head injury many, many years ago, but Sheri thinks he might actually be doing to much "work" at Adult Day Center. "Al" can hardly move today. :(

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-05T06:36:00.000-06:00

Sheri is feeling pretty good about the fact that Bob and "Al" have adjusted so well to the new house. She is a little concerned however, that he told some one last night at bible study that his mothers name was Maria, and when we left "Al" had on someone else 's shoes... :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-03T06:49:00.000-06:00

Sheri has been way to busy the last couple of months, to allow herself to feel. Things are calming down a bit now. Minnesota is turning back into the frozen tundra again, just as Sheri's feelings about being an Alzheimer spouse are beginning to thaw.
Sheri hates this disease.

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-02T06:02:00.000-06:00

Sometimes Sheri feels like Alzheimer's is just a big game of hide-and-seek.... except Bob can't find a tree to hide "Al" behind to often anymore.

Living with Bob and Al

2011-12-01T05:51:00.001-06:00

Sheri is not quite sure why "Al" keeps buttoning Bobs shirt all the way up under his chin, but Sheri wishes she could get him to stop..., cause when you add the "work" name tag... Bob looks like an overgrown kindergartner on the first day of school. :(

Living with Bob and Al

2011-11-29T20:56:00.001-06:00

Since Sheri and Bob moved into their new little house, Sheri has been trying to get their little TV to work.Sheri is mumbling to herself as she is scanning the channels trying to get reception.Bob asks Sheri what she is doing,she replies trying to get the TV to work. "Al" replies " well I don't need an alarm clock anyway." Slightly annoyed Sheri states "This is a TV not a clock." "Al" says (slightly annoyed) well why does it say 8:30?" Sheri looking up from the remote sees "Al" looking at the clock. Sheri even more annoyed says "well, that is the clock." "Al" ( even more annoyed) says to Sheri "then why did you say it was the TV?"
Sheri think it is time for bed... :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-11-29T07:06:00.000-06:00

Sheri is angry with herself this morning. She snapped at Bob last night because "Al" messed up the burners on the gas stove, creating a gas smell that Sheri kind of freaked out about."Al" did not smell the gas. Most of the time now "Al' does not try to clean the stove anymore, but just when Sheri is not looking, it happens. Sheri tries so hard to keep him safe, he was very, very, mad at Sheri last night, well Bob's version of mad, jaw clenched tight and off to one side. "JUST WHAT AM I ALLOWED TO DO!" Redirect Sheri thought, redirect.

Living with Bob and Al

2011-11-28T18:39:00.000-06:00

Bob and "Al" said their day went really fast at "work" (code for Adult Day Center) today. They have him matching tea cups and saucers for the ladies tea party tomorrow...and Stuie had him sit with the ladies today as well. "Al" thinks it so the ladies will get to know the staff a little better. So Stuie can sneak out early. :)

Living with Bob and "Al"

2011-11-27T20:28:00.001-06:00

Sheri feels bad for daughters number 1 and 2. Tonight after daughter number one had been sitting in the living room with Sheri and Bob for an hour or more, daughter number one goes to her room. A little bit later " Al" walks by the bedroom and says to daughter number one with confusion in his voice "when did you get home?" daughter number one replies "a while ago Daddy." "Oh," " Al" replies " I did not see you come in."
This is such a sad disease.

Living with Bob and Al

2011-11-26T17:50:00.000-06:00

Note to self- do not let Alzheimer husband, help figure out which Christmas lights are out.... :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-11-25T20:04:00.000-06:00

Well, Sheri, Bob, "Al', daughter number 1 and daughter number 2, made it through Thanksgiving with truly grateful hearts. They made Spazel again, (German noodles). Last year it was vanilla that "Al" tried to add to the recipe..this year it was cinnamon. But it truly was okay. Sheri was just thankful to have a kitchen to cook in. :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-11-23T06:36:00.001-06:00

Sheri has decided that living in the Alzheimer world is kind of like what she imagines living on another planet would be like. Never being quite sure who is who, what is what, not wanting to embarrass yourself or your family by not understanding the culture or the way they think, and yet trying to maintain everyone's dignity and honor in the process. :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-11-22T06:31:00.000-06:00

Sheri and Bob were driving home from "work" yesterday, rushing to get to bible study. They passed a Christmas tree all lit up. Bob turns to Sheri and says "I wonder who thought of the that anyway." Perplexed Sheri said "thought of what?" "Al" staring out the window in to the dark replied "Christmas." Sheri hates this disease. :(

Living with Bob and Al

2011-11-21T07:34:00.000-06:00

Sheri has so very much to be thankful for this year. Through the many trials she thought were impossible to overcome, she learned a lesson she thought she already knew, but apparently did not. She learned that her faith is real and that God makes good on His promises. Today is the day of the sheriffs sale of her home. She needs to make one more trip over there. She is going to take some pictures of what are probably goofy things,the hall way to the tub that drains to nowhere that she let the kids paint when they were little. The paint has faded but not the memories. The tree her son fell from when the rope swing broke before their eyes, She will look in the garage where she is leaving behind some of Bob and "Al's" more dangerous tools. She will take one more look up in the attic for lost treasures she may not want to leave behind, silly stuff like that. Then she is going to walk away with her head held high and not look back. She will learn to live a simpler, yet fuller life. She really never thought she had much to begin with. But now she knows that is really is not true, because she learned just how strong and great her family is and those ties that bind them together can not be broken. A house is not a home. Because home is where the heart is...

Living with Bob and Al

2011-11-18T06:29:00.000-06:00

Bob is a little bit concerned about Stuie's experience as a boss at work (code for Adult Day Center).
The reason for Bob's concern is because everyday when "Al" gets to "work", Stuie (Bob's boss), asks him what he wants to do today. Bob does not ever think a boss should ask his employees what they want to do! :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-11-16T15:39:00.000-06:00

Sheri has been sick for several days now. She knows it is probably because of the stress she had been under. The move ( that the tail end of which, still needs to be finished) the new job, all of the legal stuff with the foreclosure. She is hoping things will settle down. She has been thinking allot lately of the man that Bob was before "Al" moved in. He was a very strong, capable , gentle man.That is the man she wants her daughters to remember. It is the man she would prefer to remember as well. That man, in his gentle way, would have told Sheri to rest and ask if she needed anything. "Al" asked Sheri that this morning as well, but what she needs "Al" can't give her.
She needs Bob back.

Living with Bob and Al

2011-11-16T08:27:00.000-06:00

Bob says since he been working, (code for Adult Day Center) the staff has become a much more cohesive group and now the men and the women are sitting together for their staff meetings. :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-11-14T06:20:00.000-06:00

Bob is so happy to be assigned special projects at "work" (code for Adult Day Center), "Al" says they shoo everyone else out at about 3:00 or so, but they keep him there till 5:00 so they can all get some work done. :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-11-12T19:09:00.000-06:00

Bob and "Al" are settling in... sorta of. "Al" keeps walking into daughter number ones bedroom when he exits the bathroom. When he can find the bathroom. And of course, things are piling up in the kitchen counters for lack of where to put them or knowing where they go, but "Al" did not know where things went in their old house either! :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-11-10T05:56:00.000-06:00

The new little cottage type house Sheri rented, has a nice backyard. Bob and "Al" are excited because the birds from their old house followed them over here. :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-11-08T20:12:00.000-06:00

Sheri is tired, but very thankful for dear friends, her church family. What a great help and support they have been. Quite frankly, Sheri does not know where she would be with out them. A new job and a move all in the same week. God has proven to provide, as his word promises. Bob and "Al" are adjusting. Sheri needs to put up directional signs to the important rooms in the house, and repeat that they are sleeping here tonight, but all in all Sheri thinks it is going well. She is just so very thankful...

Living with Bob and Al

2011-11-04T06:36:00.000-05:00

Sheri still has so much to do. Tomorrow is moving day. She has had great support from dear friends. Daughters number 1 and 2 are being very supportive as well. But there is no doubt the sting of this move is very painful. Sheri always thought her grandchildren would be spending holidays in this house, and summers in the sprinkler in her garden. Sheri is learning to let go... a very, very slow process. Letting go of the house, letting go of her garden and letting go of Bob.

Isaiah 43:18-19
remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

Living with Bob and Al

2011-11-02T06:29:00.001-05:00

Sheri was a little worried about Bob and "Al" going back to a 8-5 "work" (Code for adult Day Center) schedule. But so far so good. "Al" says they have been assigning him projects at the store that they know he is the best at, so Stu can take care of other stuff. :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-11-01T06:27:00.000-05:00

Bob was a little frustrated at work (code for Adult Day Center) yesterday. The rest of the staff dressed up for Halloween but "Al" did not get the memo. He said they probably discussed it in the morning meeting and forgot to tell the rest of the staff, because he would have dressed up too, if he had known.
Gotta love him! :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-10-31T07:18:00.000-05:00

Sheri starts her new job today! Bob and "Al" will need to start "working" 8-5 again. :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-10-27T08:08:00.000-05:00

Bob and "Al" think they should hire a full time piano player at work (code for Adult Day Center) because then they could sing all day long. :)

Living with Bob and Al

2011-10-26T06:18:00.000-05:00

Sheri feels a little bit embarrassed that she might have ever questioned whether God was with her on this journey. She doesn't know why she thought He could not solve this mess, after all He created the heavens and the earth in 7 days. So Sheri should not be surprised that He provided a new job and a new place to live all with in the a 7 day time period. Sheri knows the Alzheimer piece with Bob and "Al" is here to stay but never the less...God is good!

Living with Bob and Al

2011-10-25T08:26:00.002-05:00

Sheri just needs to have faith that God is in control of her life and that He has the answers to all of her problems. This is a faith journey unlike anything she has ever dealt with. God does not promise that there will be no pain, just that He will walk with us and if necessary carry us. Thank you Lord.

Living with Bob and Al

2011-10-25T07:20:00.000-05:00

"Al" says they hired a new guy at "work" (code for Adult Day Center) yesterday. He spent all day training him in. Showing him around the "store". Then he noticed that not everyone showed up for work yesterday, so they were kind of slow at the store, he doesn't think sales are to good because of the economy, and because congress had not balanced the budget :)
Sheri is thankful his "job" is working out so well!